(The date of this dream may not be accurate as I retrieved this post as a draft without checking the original date I wrote it)
I am transported back to my retail days of working in a supermarket, when suddenly the store is under attack from a mass shooter.
Terrified, I cower in the corner of one of the aisles and though I am shot at several times, somehow I manage to escape from being gravely injured.
I see the culprit walk back and forth past the end of the aisle many times and when I can't see him I can hear the bullets as they ricochet off the walls of the building.
It seems as though I am there for hours, frozen to the spot in fear, conscious of the fact that many of my colleagues were either dead or had managed to escape, but I had no idea which ones.
Just when things start to go quiet and it seems as though the threat has subsided, another man enters the room. I can see him over my shoulder at the opposite end of the aisle that I had seen the shooter; he is carrying a large sports bag and he sets it down on a table and turns towards me, grinning sinisterly.
My heart sinks when he pulls a bomb out of the bag and I know that I hadn't just survived a mass shooting only to be killed by a suicide bomber!
I stand and just as I am about to run, I hear a noise from behind. It is one of my colleagues who had managed to hide in the next aisle along from me.
The man doesn't do very much to stop us, and I put this down to the fact that the bomb would go off imminently. Everything seems to turn to slow motion as I roughly grab my colleague and pull her along with me.
We run towards a lift and get inside. It seems to take forever to get to the top and I feel wave after wave of anxiety in anticipation for the bomb going off.
When we reached the top, we are in a shopping mall and we run through it screaming at everyone to evacuate as fast as they can. I awake before the bomb has a chance to go off.
Showing posts with label nightmares. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nightmares. Show all posts
Tuesday, 11 June 2019
Wednesday, 31 May 2017
Dream Diary #122 + #123: Bleeding Love + Ghost Town
(I actually had this dream more than a week ago but didn't write it down as I found it quite upsetting)
It seemed that my dream had come true and my Love and I were in each other's lives again and what's more, he appeared to be making an effort with my family, interacting with and getting to know them.
But before I could get too happy and content I glanced down at myself and realised that I was bleeding heavily from between my legs! Instinctively, I knew that I was experiencing a miscarriage, despite not being aware I was even pregnant.
In total shock and horror, I immediately went to my Love, expecting him to show concern and worry but instead, he just took one look at me and turned away - his face completely expressionless and unemotional.
I stood there covered in blood and sobbing with devastation and confusion.
----------
(I actually had this dream before the attack in Manchester)
Due to the various terrorist events occurring worldwide as well as the increasingly volatile state of the political world, I began to notice that fewer and fewer people were showing up to work each day.
My job isn't without it's risks, even at the best of times, but now people simply didn't feel safe, not only to come to work but to be out in general. As a result the whole town where I lived started to resemble a ghost town.
This sent my employer into crisis mode and they called an emergency meeting for those of us who still dared show up to the office. They concluded that it was simply too risky to be at work and announced that the office would be closed down with immediate effect and dismissed everyone from the building.
At first, this was welcome news; I loved leaving the office early and having the rest of the day to do as I pleased. Even though I hated being unemployed due to the lack of money and therefore, opportunities, there was and is a small part of me that misses the lifestyle I had when I was unemployed and having the freedom to come and go as I choose without being tied to a schedule.
Then the reality of what had happened started to sink in - how was I going to support myself now? How was I going to afford to live and eat? And would I still be able to live in in the property where I live? In fact, how would anyone be able do any of these things if the town had just come grinding to a halt?
It seemed that my dream had come true and my Love and I were in each other's lives again and what's more, he appeared to be making an effort with my family, interacting with and getting to know them.
But before I could get too happy and content I glanced down at myself and realised that I was bleeding heavily from between my legs! Instinctively, I knew that I was experiencing a miscarriage, despite not being aware I was even pregnant.
In total shock and horror, I immediately went to my Love, expecting him to show concern and worry but instead, he just took one look at me and turned away - his face completely expressionless and unemotional.
I stood there covered in blood and sobbing with devastation and confusion.
----------
(I actually had this dream before the attack in Manchester)
Due to the various terrorist events occurring worldwide as well as the increasingly volatile state of the political world, I began to notice that fewer and fewer people were showing up to work each day.
My job isn't without it's risks, even at the best of times, but now people simply didn't feel safe, not only to come to work but to be out in general. As a result the whole town where I lived started to resemble a ghost town.
This sent my employer into crisis mode and they called an emergency meeting for those of us who still dared show up to the office. They concluded that it was simply too risky to be at work and announced that the office would be closed down with immediate effect and dismissed everyone from the building.
At first, this was welcome news; I loved leaving the office early and having the rest of the day to do as I pleased. Even though I hated being unemployed due to the lack of money and therefore, opportunities, there was and is a small part of me that misses the lifestyle I had when I was unemployed and having the freedom to come and go as I choose without being tied to a schedule.
Then the reality of what had happened started to sink in - how was I going to support myself now? How was I going to afford to live and eat? And would I still be able to live in in the property where I live? In fact, how would anyone be able do any of these things if the town had just come grinding to a halt?
Monday, 10 April 2017
Dream Diary #119: The Man Across the Street
I was being held captive in a house by Michael Myers. On the opposite side of the street lived a man I had fallen in love with from a distance and I dreamt of him rescuing me from my current plight, but no-one on the outside even knew I was there.
Eventually my predicament became so unbearable, I knew I had to escape, no matter how crippled by fear I was. Going out of the front door was impossible; Michael was patrolling it at almost all times. Instead, I devised a plan to go through the roof as I had access to a skylight window that I opened up and climbed out of.
I took a running leap off the roof, ensuring I landed as far on the opposite side of the street as I could, to give me a head start if Michael happened to see and come after me. I knew that if I could make it to the neighbour's house I would be safe, as Michael wouldn't reveal himself in front of the other people in the neighbourhood.
The man was very understanding and took me under his wing, just as I hoped he would. Unfortunately, although Michael couldn't harm me as long as I was in the protection of my neighbour, this didn't stop him from standing in the front yard and glaring at me from across the street, motioning to me that he ever gets me alone with him I'm dead.
Other than that, I felt completely safe and contented, building my new life.
Until, that is, my neighbourhood decided to throw a party for me and invited everyone in the street, including Michael who was just regarded as a reclusive, eccentric loner but ultimately harmless.
In order to welcome me to the community (they were unaware I had lived down the street as a captive for quite some time), it was decided that everyone would approach me and introduce themselves to me individually. When it was Michael's turn, he came towards me with an axe in his hands. Everyone laughed, thinking it was a joke, but only I knew that he was capable of inflicting real harm on me. He held the axe to my leg and then lifted it up to strike me and I braced myself for the blow.
To my amazement, he stopped just before the axe hit my leg, broke the axe in two, handed me the lower half and walked away.
Eventually my predicament became so unbearable, I knew I had to escape, no matter how crippled by fear I was. Going out of the front door was impossible; Michael was patrolling it at almost all times. Instead, I devised a plan to go through the roof as I had access to a skylight window that I opened up and climbed out of.
I took a running leap off the roof, ensuring I landed as far on the opposite side of the street as I could, to give me a head start if Michael happened to see and come after me. I knew that if I could make it to the neighbour's house I would be safe, as Michael wouldn't reveal himself in front of the other people in the neighbourhood.
The man was very understanding and took me under his wing, just as I hoped he would. Unfortunately, although Michael couldn't harm me as long as I was in the protection of my neighbour, this didn't stop him from standing in the front yard and glaring at me from across the street, motioning to me that he ever gets me alone with him I'm dead.
Other than that, I felt completely safe and contented, building my new life.
Until, that is, my neighbourhood decided to throw a party for me and invited everyone in the street, including Michael who was just regarded as a reclusive, eccentric loner but ultimately harmless.
In order to welcome me to the community (they were unaware I had lived down the street as a captive for quite some time), it was decided that everyone would approach me and introduce themselves to me individually. When it was Michael's turn, he came towards me with an axe in his hands. Everyone laughed, thinking it was a joke, but only I knew that he was capable of inflicting real harm on me. He held the axe to my leg and then lifted it up to strike me and I braced myself for the blow.
To my amazement, he stopped just before the axe hit my leg, broke the axe in two, handed me the lower half and walked away.
Tuesday, 7 February 2017
Dream Diary #117: The Ick Factor
I found myself in the company of my former landlord and a few others. This was a surprise since, although my landlord never did anything especially horrible to me, he often made me feel very uncomfortable and this, among other things, was a contributing factor that made me want to leave the property and I had no intention of ever seeing, let alone hanging out with him.
As it turned out that he had developed a crush on the tenant that moved in after me, and as a fellow female he appealed to me set him up with her.
I had reservations about doing so, not least because my former landlord was a gluttonous old man in his sixties with a weight problem and a plethora of obesity related health conditions.
Disturbingly, I learned that he had his eye on me, had I not moved out when I did. Apparently just the fact that I was female within a close proximity was more than enough to consider me.
I caught a glimpse of the woman who had moved in and she seemed really nice and sweet; like someone who would perhaps be too polite to say 'no' if asked out, or set up on, a date.
I felt really guilty even attempting to set her up with someone I personally found so repulsive but then another part of me thought: who am I to judge? What if they really hit it off? Am I just being shallow?
But still, my own personal experiences and judgements got in the way and I found myself warning, rather than appealing to her.
As it turned out that he had developed a crush on the tenant that moved in after me, and as a fellow female he appealed to me set him up with her.
I had reservations about doing so, not least because my former landlord was a gluttonous old man in his sixties with a weight problem and a plethora of obesity related health conditions.
Disturbingly, I learned that he had his eye on me, had I not moved out when I did. Apparently just the fact that I was female within a close proximity was more than enough to consider me.
I caught a glimpse of the woman who had moved in and she seemed really nice and sweet; like someone who would perhaps be too polite to say 'no' if asked out, or set up on, a date.
I felt really guilty even attempting to set her up with someone I personally found so repulsive but then another part of me thought: who am I to judge? What if they really hit it off? Am I just being shallow?
But still, my own personal experiences and judgements got in the way and I found myself warning, rather than appealing to her.
Tuesday, 2 August 2016
Dream Diary #109: Desperate Times
Far away from home and with limited opportunities available to me, I found myself, along with two other women, recruited by a local pimp into a prostitution ring, telling myself I would only do it for as long as I needed to until I had enough money saved to make a brand new start.
It started out simple enough - the pimp expected the other two girls and I to work together to seduce our clients and to give them a good time. While group sex doesn't appeal to me in real-life, in the dream it helped to make me feel less alone and scared.
However, things took a sinister turn when the pimp revealed he not only expected us to have sex with our clients but to kill them afterwards, too!
He didn't care how we went about it, but implied that the more creativity we displayed the more favourable treatment and payment we would receive. He also implied that he was not above killing or severely punishing any of us if we didn't do as we were told.
Horrified, but determined to reach my financial goals in order to make a new start, I sold my soul to the devil and agreed.
To my shock and horror it was surprisingly easy to lure my client to their death as I straddled them and plunged a sharp object into their neck, 'Basic Instinct' style. I don't think I had even gotten to the stage of having sex - I had just jumped straight into murdering them!
The other women, who were still in the process of seducing their clients, looked around in disbelief that I had found it so easy.
Horrified at what I'd done, I fled, taking whatever money the pimp had paid me thus far. I didn't even stop to ask if the other women wanted to come with me, figuring that everyone has to be responsible for their own destiny and I had to look out for number one. If they wanted to escape so badly, then they will.
I knew instinctively that the pimp was furious with me and would stop at nothing until he had tracked me down and killed me. I knew he'd find me eventually, so I did everything I could to bide as much time as possible. I cut and dyed my hair, assumed a different name and went to a train station to catch the next train out of the country.
The dream then switched completely and I found myself at home with two twin infants - a boy and girl - left in a bucket inside my room. They had been freshly changed and fed at the time of being left there so I went about my day as usual.
However, days passed and they were still there. I started to think, "Hang on a minute, where are the parents and why aren't they coming to collect their babies?" until it was pointed out to me that they were in fact, my babies!
I couldn't even recall being pregnant or giving birth but I immediately felt guilty for neglecting them.
I lifted them out of the bucket and while they were both hungry with messy nappies, physically the boy was fine, but the little girl had a dislocated leg - and by dislocated I mean it had popped off like a doll's leg. I remember feeling scared that social services would be on my case, which I thought was highly unfair since I didn't know how I was expected to be a good mother when until a few moments before I didn't even realise I was one!
Luckily, not only did the baby's leg pop off like a doll's leg, but it popped back in like one, too.
Wednesday, 27 April 2016
Dream Diary #105: Hotel Myers
In the dream, it seemed as though Michael Myers annually came after me (in the movies, that time is Halloween) and as that time was approaching I booked myself into a fancy, high rise hotel in an attempt to throw him off.
I figured that I wouldn't be in my usual surroundings so he'd have try harder to even locate me and I'd be in a building where there would be lots of people around, so it'd be safety in numbers (even though any fans of the movies would know that doesn't work.)
I made sure I booked myself into a room on a high floor, that way if he did manage to find out where I was, it would take him some time to get to my floor, giving me a chance to formulate an escape plan.
Everyone knew about my situation so I had eyes and ears everywhere, ready to alert me when necessary.
In my room, I didn't even want to watch any movies, TV, read, write or anything; I wanted to be on my guard at all times. I listened to every noise waiting for any clues or signs that he was approaching.
When nothing happened for a while I thought that maybe I had successfully managed to foil him, so I opened my door and asked a security guard what the current situation was. He told me that Myers had in fact been spotted in the area, my heart sank. How could he possibly know where I was?
When he was reportedly closing in even closer, I knew I had to leave and throw him off even further.
I had an escort in the form of a girl, whose job was solely to lead me to a place of safety and she led me briskly down a darkly lit street. She told me she was taking me to the house of a family she knew, and they would take me in.
However, something about her seemed 'off' to me and some of the things she was saying and doing didn't make any sense. It suddenly became apparent that I was in danger and had to somehow make my excuses and leave without alerting her to my fears.
I figured that I wouldn't be in my usual surroundings so he'd have try harder to even locate me and I'd be in a building where there would be lots of people around, so it'd be safety in numbers (even though any fans of the movies would know that doesn't work.)
I made sure I booked myself into a room on a high floor, that way if he did manage to find out where I was, it would take him some time to get to my floor, giving me a chance to formulate an escape plan.
Everyone knew about my situation so I had eyes and ears everywhere, ready to alert me when necessary.
In my room, I didn't even want to watch any movies, TV, read, write or anything; I wanted to be on my guard at all times. I listened to every noise waiting for any clues or signs that he was approaching.
When nothing happened for a while I thought that maybe I had successfully managed to foil him, so I opened my door and asked a security guard what the current situation was. He told me that Myers had in fact been spotted in the area, my heart sank. How could he possibly know where I was?
When he was reportedly closing in even closer, I knew I had to leave and throw him off even further.
I had an escort in the form of a girl, whose job was solely to lead me to a place of safety and she led me briskly down a darkly lit street. She told me she was taking me to the house of a family she knew, and they would take me in.
However, something about her seemed 'off' to me and some of the things she was saying and doing didn't make any sense. It suddenly became apparent that I was in danger and had to somehow make my excuses and leave without alerting her to my fears.
Saturday, 20 February 2016
Dream Diary #95: Marriage of Inconvenience
I was sitting in a church filled with my friends and family. As we stood up to leave someone turned and said to me, "The next time we come here, it'll be for your wedding!"
"Great!" I thought, filled with excitement. Until it dawned on me that my true love was in a far off land, I hadn't spoken to him in months and had no real way of communicating with him, since all 'normal' methods of communication didn't work.
So just who was I marrying?
Apparently a younger colleague of my dad's, who was apparently 'lovely', had taken a shine to me and he and my parents had worked together to arrange our wedding.
Their line of thinking was that I had been sad for many months since losing my true love and they wanted to see me happy so they thought that if I 'just married a nice man' I would forget all of my heartache and even if I didn't love him at first, I would learn to love him and be happy.
The dress was bought, the invitations had been sent out... all I had to do was go home and get ready.
I immediately went into panic-mode. Who were they to decide what will make me happy? If I wanted to hold onto the lofty goal of my true love and I reconciling in the future, who were they to tell me not to?
And what if he came back into my life and I was married to someone else? What then?
I just knew I couldn't go through with it, but the pressure to do so was unbearable! I began to cry tears of frustration. Maybe if they saw how distraught I was and that marrying a complete stranger wouldn't 'fix' me, no matter how lovely he was, they wouldn't make me go through with it? Instead I just got scoffed at and told to 'suck it up'.
All I kept thinking about was the scene in Sex & the City when Charlotte is about to walk down the aisle but is having doubts and Carrie tells her that if she doesn't want to go through with the wedding then 'everyone will just have to get over it'.
Where was my somebody to give me an out?
I decided there was no other option but to pack my bags and run away, to let them know I was serious about not wanting to go through with it. As I packed my belongings, I mused that even if I could learn to love my groom-to-be, I knew that I'd drop him in a heartbeat if my true love came back into my life. Surely it was better to break his heart now, rather than later?
I was so angry. I was angry at my family for thinking they know what's best for me, when they had no idea. I was even angry at my true love as he didn't realise how inconvenient his silence was for me.
However, something I said or did must have resonated with them eventually as my dad agreed to tell his colleague that the wedding wouldn't be going ahead. When I saw that my mum was still getting my niece and nephews dressed up I said, "But the wedding is off?"
And she responsed with, "Yes, but instead of a wedding, it's just a party now"
I headed off to get changed... into anything but a wedding dress!
"Great!" I thought, filled with excitement. Until it dawned on me that my true love was in a far off land, I hadn't spoken to him in months and had no real way of communicating with him, since all 'normal' methods of communication didn't work.
So just who was I marrying?
Apparently a younger colleague of my dad's, who was apparently 'lovely', had taken a shine to me and he and my parents had worked together to arrange our wedding.
Their line of thinking was that I had been sad for many months since losing my true love and they wanted to see me happy so they thought that if I 'just married a nice man' I would forget all of my heartache and even if I didn't love him at first, I would learn to love him and be happy.
The dress was bought, the invitations had been sent out... all I had to do was go home and get ready.
I immediately went into panic-mode. Who were they to decide what will make me happy? If I wanted to hold onto the lofty goal of my true love and I reconciling in the future, who were they to tell me not to?
And what if he came back into my life and I was married to someone else? What then?
I just knew I couldn't go through with it, but the pressure to do so was unbearable! I began to cry tears of frustration. Maybe if they saw how distraught I was and that marrying a complete stranger wouldn't 'fix' me, no matter how lovely he was, they wouldn't make me go through with it? Instead I just got scoffed at and told to 'suck it up'.
All I kept thinking about was the scene in Sex & the City when Charlotte is about to walk down the aisle but is having doubts and Carrie tells her that if she doesn't want to go through with the wedding then 'everyone will just have to get over it'.
Where was my somebody to give me an out?
I decided there was no other option but to pack my bags and run away, to let them know I was serious about not wanting to go through with it. As I packed my belongings, I mused that even if I could learn to love my groom-to-be, I knew that I'd drop him in a heartbeat if my true love came back into my life. Surely it was better to break his heart now, rather than later?
I was so angry. I was angry at my family for thinking they know what's best for me, when they had no idea. I was even angry at my true love as he didn't realise how inconvenient his silence was for me.
However, something I said or did must have resonated with them eventually as my dad agreed to tell his colleague that the wedding wouldn't be going ahead. When I saw that my mum was still getting my niece and nephews dressed up I said, "But the wedding is off?"
And she responsed with, "Yes, but instead of a wedding, it's just a party now"
I headed off to get changed... into anything but a wedding dress!
Tuesday, 2 February 2016
Dream Diary #94: Crazy, Stupid Love
I was moving into a dorm/shared living situation and quickly found myself attracted to one of my new roommates.
He was very shy, quiet and physically he resembled Squall Leonhart of Final Fantasy VIII; so of course I fell head over heels in love with him!
Unfortunately he already had a girlfriend, who resembled Squall's love interest in the game, Rinoa Heartilly, but it turned out she wasn't supposed to be there and had followed him there uninvited.
Their relationship seemed to be all but over, but she wouldn't take the hint.
In an attempt to get his attention, I found myself agreeing to do all sorts of crazy things, including offering to clean his bathroom from the previous tenants, which seemed simple enough until I realised that they had left the toilet full of mess!
Cleaning it made me gag and retch, but I was so afraid of losing face (or worse, making him think that I left it that way!) that I did it anyway; squeezing a whole tube of toothpaste down there just so it'd smell 'minty fresh'!
Unfortunately, while I was doing that, more people had moved in. I'd wrongly assumed that I'd be sharing my living space with only him and one or two other people, which turned out not to be the case.
And the people that moved in weren't the quietest or most considerate of people! My heart sank every time I turned around as my living space got smaller and more crowded until my bed was squeezed under a desk and a waste paper basket!
Monday, 18 January 2016
Dream Diary #92: Death in the Faux-mily
I was informed that the Obnoxious Girl had passed away after being hit by a car. Even though she'd annoyed me, the news shocked me and I felt very sad. I decided to pay a visit to her home.
Even though she and I hadn't gotten along, her family let me in. If they knew about the true nature of our relationship, they didn't let on and seemed more interested in their own grief and sadness.
I seemed to be able to navigate my way around the house easily, without anyone showing me where to go. I went into, what used to be, her bedroom. It was eerily quiet as I looked through her belongings.
The bed was unmade and there were books and objects lying around as if she was in the middle of using them when she left them.
I did some digging and found some old diaries and journals and it turned out that she'd actually liked me and admired me a lot and couldn't understand why we didn't get along. It had upset her that we didn't.
This actually triggered the memory in me that we hadn't always disagreed and that I had spent time at her house as a child, which explained why I knew the house so well.
She had always been, shall we say, on the 'lively' side and that made the silence and stillness left behind after her death, all the more deafening.
Even though she and I hadn't gotten along, her family let me in. If they knew about the true nature of our relationship, they didn't let on and seemed more interested in their own grief and sadness.
I seemed to be able to navigate my way around the house easily, without anyone showing me where to go. I went into, what used to be, her bedroom. It was eerily quiet as I looked through her belongings.
The bed was unmade and there were books and objects lying around as if she was in the middle of using them when she left them.
I did some digging and found some old diaries and journals and it turned out that she'd actually liked me and admired me a lot and couldn't understand why we didn't get along. It had upset her that we didn't.
This actually triggered the memory in me that we hadn't always disagreed and that I had spent time at her house as a child, which explained why I knew the house so well.
She had always been, shall we say, on the 'lively' side and that made the silence and stillness left behind after her death, all the more deafening.
Monday, 4 January 2016
Dream Diary #90: Crisis of Conscience
I was happily preparing to settle into my new life in the USA when the man I was living with disappeared without explanation, while I was trying to use my mobile phone to figure out our location.
At best, I guessed we were in a ski-lodge on the border of Canada someplace, but he disappeared before I could process the information.
Devastated, and not wanting to be sent back home, I begged and pleaded with some of my new friends to let me stay with them.
Luckily, my friends were sympathetic and one of them even offered to marry me in a marriage of convienience and for a short time we had a lot of fun getting to know one another and having our other friends test us on our knowledge, so that we would pass the visa interview.
Once again, I found myself trying to locate my position on a map and found that I was living in a fictional pokey, backwater state that no-one ever talks about (I forgot the exact name, but I know it began with a 'P') but I was so grateful to be there, that I didn't care.
However, the friend who offered to marry me reconciled with his girlfriend and understandably we couldn't go through with the plan.
Frustrated at being let down again, an unexpected ray of hope came in the form of another guy in the same friendship circle who would be leaving to go to college soon and he told me I was welcome to join him providing I got a job and could help out financially.
This guy was much more reserved than the others so I didn't envision us having a whole lot of fun together, but I accepted anyway. His college was on the west coast and I thought, "Finally! Somewhere I recognise!"
I answered a job advertisment and found out the job was to test torture methods on criminals!
Instead of an interview, I had to prove I was able to do the job by using an electronic whip/switch device on a female child abuser. They even brought along the little girl that she abused for added effect!
The device had to charge 'all the way to 100' before it could be used so that gave my interviewers some time to ask me questions as well as a chance for me to come up with some excuse as to why I couldn't go through with it.
I despise child abusers, but the torture device sounded brutal. I remember having a moral debate with myself at whether this kind of punishment was appropriate and was I prepared to take a job like this just to preserve my lifestyle?
There was some kind of conflict after that, and somehow we ended up on the roof, overlooking the lake in the middle of the town square. I noticed it was a beautiful view despite the situation I was currently in.
In the end, I didn't end up going through with 'interview' as they decided not to give me the job anyway.
At best, I guessed we were in a ski-lodge on the border of Canada someplace, but he disappeared before I could process the information.
Devastated, and not wanting to be sent back home, I begged and pleaded with some of my new friends to let me stay with them.
Luckily, my friends were sympathetic and one of them even offered to marry me in a marriage of convienience and for a short time we had a lot of fun getting to know one another and having our other friends test us on our knowledge, so that we would pass the visa interview.
Once again, I found myself trying to locate my position on a map and found that I was living in a fictional pokey, backwater state that no-one ever talks about (I forgot the exact name, but I know it began with a 'P') but I was so grateful to be there, that I didn't care.
However, the friend who offered to marry me reconciled with his girlfriend and understandably we couldn't go through with the plan.
Frustrated at being let down again, an unexpected ray of hope came in the form of another guy in the same friendship circle who would be leaving to go to college soon and he told me I was welcome to join him providing I got a job and could help out financially.
This guy was much more reserved than the others so I didn't envision us having a whole lot of fun together, but I accepted anyway. His college was on the west coast and I thought, "Finally! Somewhere I recognise!"
I answered a job advertisment and found out the job was to test torture methods on criminals!
Instead of an interview, I had to prove I was able to do the job by using an electronic whip/switch device on a female child abuser. They even brought along the little girl that she abused for added effect!
The device had to charge 'all the way to 100' before it could be used so that gave my interviewers some time to ask me questions as well as a chance for me to come up with some excuse as to why I couldn't go through with it.
I despise child abusers, but the torture device sounded brutal. I remember having a moral debate with myself at whether this kind of punishment was appropriate and was I prepared to take a job like this just to preserve my lifestyle?
There was some kind of conflict after that, and somehow we ended up on the roof, overlooking the lake in the middle of the town square. I noticed it was a beautiful view despite the situation I was currently in.
In the end, I didn't end up going through with 'interview' as they decided not to give me the job anyway.
Sunday, 27 December 2015
Dream Diary #89: The Girl who cried 'Bully'
I was messing around with people from work, when one of the guys called one of the girls a 'geek' as a joke. Carrying on the joke, I laughed and said, "It's because she wears glasses isn't it?"
At that moment, the whole atmosphere changed. The jokey, lighthearted mood suddenly became hostile and cold.
I had unintentionally made the girl cry, and all of my colleagues suddenly turned on me. Except they didn't just turn, they literally started screaming at me and telling me how cruel and out of order I was.
I thought their reaction was way over the top for a throwaway remark and tried defending myself but they were having none of it. One colleague even yelled at me, "You of all people shouldn't talk about wearing glasses when you need them too!"
I agreed with her and tried to explain, but she whisked the girl away so I couldn't even speak to her or apologise.
I felt so powerless to defend myself. I knew that if I could get the girl on her own and explain, I could clear this whole thing up but everyone was making it impossible, including the girl herself.
Feeling very sorry for myself and like I didn't deserve the treatment I'd just had, I hung out by myself for a while, to calm down.
The girl then came through by herself and was no longer crying or upset and finally I spoke with her alone.
She listened to my apology and told me that she agreed that everyone's reaction was over the top and that they shouldn't have screamed at me like they did and she wasn't that upset anyway.
I became very angry at that point and wondered why she hadn't stepped forward and defended me at the time. Now, no matter what, my image had been tarnished and there was nothing I could do about it.
The only thing I could do was to become good friends with her, even if it was a surface friendship, just to prove to everyone that they were wrong about me.
At that moment, the whole atmosphere changed. The jokey, lighthearted mood suddenly became hostile and cold.
I had unintentionally made the girl cry, and all of my colleagues suddenly turned on me. Except they didn't just turn, they literally started screaming at me and telling me how cruel and out of order I was.
I thought their reaction was way over the top for a throwaway remark and tried defending myself but they were having none of it. One colleague even yelled at me, "You of all people shouldn't talk about wearing glasses when you need them too!"
I agreed with her and tried to explain, but she whisked the girl away so I couldn't even speak to her or apologise.
I felt so powerless to defend myself. I knew that if I could get the girl on her own and explain, I could clear this whole thing up but everyone was making it impossible, including the girl herself.
Feeling very sorry for myself and like I didn't deserve the treatment I'd just had, I hung out by myself for a while, to calm down.
The girl then came through by herself and was no longer crying or upset and finally I spoke with her alone.
She listened to my apology and told me that she agreed that everyone's reaction was over the top and that they shouldn't have screamed at me like they did and she wasn't that upset anyway.
I became very angry at that point and wondered why she hadn't stepped forward and defended me at the time. Now, no matter what, my image had been tarnished and there was nothing I could do about it.
The only thing I could do was to become good friends with her, even if it was a surface friendship, just to prove to everyone that they were wrong about me.
Wednesday, 25 November 2015
Dream Diary #88: Second Chances
My mother informed me that I had been head hunted by an employer in Japan who wanted English speaking, Western 'Final Fantasy' fans to go to Japan and to speak publicly about why and what we enjoyed about the series. She also told me that the job was basically mine if I wanted it, all I had to do was tell them I was interested.
Feeling joy at the prospect of not having to be unemployed after my current job ends and at being granted a second chance of being able to realise my dream of living in another country and prove what I was really capable of, I readily grabbed the opportunity and accepted.
Plus, the job sounded easy; talking passionately about things I love would be something I'd be really good at.
The English representatives for the company came to my house to talk to me about the job, but didn't seem interested in any of the questions I had to ask. I was too excited to care. The organisation of the trip seemed downright chaotic and would've raised red flags in real life, but in the dream I was just so happy to be given a second chance to prove myself and was determined not to waste it.
When I arrived in Japan, my subconscious had an uncharacteristically racist moment when it seemed that there weren't enough apartments for all of the newly recruited employees, so some of the existing residents jumped from the mezzanines of the apartment building into the lobby, committing suicide!
This startled me even in the dream, but I was so focused on not screwing up this opportunity that I chalked this rocky start down to 'culture difference' and carried on.
Feeling joy at the prospect of not having to be unemployed after my current job ends and at being granted a second chance of being able to realise my dream of living in another country and prove what I was really capable of, I readily grabbed the opportunity and accepted.
Plus, the job sounded easy; talking passionately about things I love would be something I'd be really good at.
The English representatives for the company came to my house to talk to me about the job, but didn't seem interested in any of the questions I had to ask. I was too excited to care. The organisation of the trip seemed downright chaotic and would've raised red flags in real life, but in the dream I was just so happy to be given a second chance to prove myself and was determined not to waste it.
When I arrived in Japan, my subconscious had an uncharacteristically racist moment when it seemed that there weren't enough apartments for all of the newly recruited employees, so some of the existing residents jumped from the mezzanines of the apartment building into the lobby, committing suicide!
This startled me even in the dream, but I was so focused on not screwing up this opportunity that I chalked this rocky start down to 'culture difference' and carried on.
Tuesday, 27 October 2015
Dream Diary #86: Be Prepared
I was in my wedding dress, ready to walk down the aisle.
Everything was perfect, except for one thing; I caught a glimpse of my face in a mirror and I wasn't wearing any make-up! I don't wear a lot of make-up in real-life, but this was my wedding day and I wanted to feel beautiful.
I looked around at my bewildered guests, begging and pleading with various family members to please help me with putting my make-up on.
Their reaction was to tell me to stop being so silly and that my groom was already at the end of the aisle, waiting for me but I just told them to tell him that I'm sorry and that I do want to marry him; I just want to feel more prepared.
I ran away and the only family member that was willing to follow me was my dad, who said he'd drive me around town, looking for make-up for me to put on.
The first thing I put on was eye-shadow, but the only colour I could find was an old and crumbly garish purple. I told myself that the colour didn't matter, as long I applied it properly. However, because it was so old, the sponge tip at the end of the applicator stick kept falling off and poking me in the eye and I ended up applying too much.
I tried to wash it off to start again, but it had stained my eyelids purple.
Next, I tried to apply foundation but I squirted too much into my hands and it splashed all over the front of my wedding dress!
In real-life, I'd apply foundation first as it's hard to do when you have other things on your face, but as I applied so much it looked like paint dripping down me. I kept telling myself that it'd be fine if I kept rubbing it in.
I didn't have any powder to smooth over it either, so my face ended up looking shiny.
At this point, my groom had come looking for me and was asking me if I did really want to marry him and even my dad said, "Don't you think you ought to stop?" But I stubbornly insisted upon putting lipstick on as well.
Because I was under pressure and my groom thought I didn't want to marry him, my hand was shaking and I ended up smearing the lipstick over my mouth.
I came out of the room looking like a clown.
Luckily my groom was good natured about it and saw the funny side, and the dream concluded with me washing all the make-up away and walking down the aisle with a fresh face.
Everything was perfect, except for one thing; I caught a glimpse of my face in a mirror and I wasn't wearing any make-up! I don't wear a lot of make-up in real-life, but this was my wedding day and I wanted to feel beautiful.
I looked around at my bewildered guests, begging and pleading with various family members to please help me with putting my make-up on.
Their reaction was to tell me to stop being so silly and that my groom was already at the end of the aisle, waiting for me but I just told them to tell him that I'm sorry and that I do want to marry him; I just want to feel more prepared.
I ran away and the only family member that was willing to follow me was my dad, who said he'd drive me around town, looking for make-up for me to put on.
The first thing I put on was eye-shadow, but the only colour I could find was an old and crumbly garish purple. I told myself that the colour didn't matter, as long I applied it properly. However, because it was so old, the sponge tip at the end of the applicator stick kept falling off and poking me in the eye and I ended up applying too much.
I tried to wash it off to start again, but it had stained my eyelids purple.
Next, I tried to apply foundation but I squirted too much into my hands and it splashed all over the front of my wedding dress!
In real-life, I'd apply foundation first as it's hard to do when you have other things on your face, but as I applied so much it looked like paint dripping down me. I kept telling myself that it'd be fine if I kept rubbing it in.
I didn't have any powder to smooth over it either, so my face ended up looking shiny.
At this point, my groom had come looking for me and was asking me if I did really want to marry him and even my dad said, "Don't you think you ought to stop?" But I stubbornly insisted upon putting lipstick on as well.
Because I was under pressure and my groom thought I didn't want to marry him, my hand was shaking and I ended up smearing the lipstick over my mouth.
I came out of the room looking like a clown.
Luckily my groom was good natured about it and saw the funny side, and the dream concluded with me washing all the make-up away and walking down the aisle with a fresh face.
Tuesday, 22 September 2015
Dream Diary #82: The Shadow
There was a late summer party taking place down the street but I wasn't feeling very social and was a bit anxious so I decided to stay home instead. Because of this, some people decided to take advantage of my being at home and left their kids with me to babysit. I wasn't interested in being there but I could see people outside, dressed up and walking across the street in the direction of the party.
Part of the way through the evening, I remarked on how calm and peaceful my evening was going and how I'd made the right decision, not going to a messy, troublesome party where I'd have to be social and make an effort to talk to people.
Then for some reason, the movie Halloween was on (an inappropriate movie to watch with very small children around) and suddenly I heard sounds coming from upstairs. I had a vision that the events of the movie were taking place upstairs.
Sure enough, before I could get upstairs to investigate, a tall, black shadowy figure came floating eerily down the stairs.
I somehow managed to get the majority of the kids out of the house and told them to run down the street to the party, until there was me and just one other child in the house.
The shadow cornered me and the child in the living room and all I could do was stand and watch hopelessly as it got closer and closer. I looked down at the child and realised I hadn't been looking after him all evening; it's like he appeared out of nowhere.
The child was glowing like a ghost and I realised that it was the child version of the shadowy figure and that's what it was after.
It sounds callous to write now, but I knew I had to sacrifice the child-ghost to the shadowy figure in order to save myself, so that's what I did.
I ended up at the party down the street anyway and the parents of the children I was babysitting praised me for my bravery, though I felt a fraud because of the child-ghost I left behind.
My relief was short lived when I realised the shadow was following me, though no-one else could sense it or see besides me.
I ended up fleeing to work in desperation.
In the dream, my workplace was a room full of dishwashers and cleaning equipment; I think it must have been the kitchen for a large hotel or other establishment.
My colleagues were surprised to see me there but I joined in with whatever activities were taking place and for a while I felt calm and relaxed.
Once again, this was short lived when a colleague burst in and said that an intruder had been spotted on the security camera and that it was heading straight for me.
Now, not only feeling afraid, but also tremendously guilty for bringing this onto my colleagues, we frantically went around the room turning off all the equipment and dimming all the lights in order to make the room look empty.
I went to the back of the room where there was a bathtub with an attached shower and shower curtain, where I ducked down and closed my eyes and prayed that the shadow didn't find me.
Part of the way through the evening, I remarked on how calm and peaceful my evening was going and how I'd made the right decision, not going to a messy, troublesome party where I'd have to be social and make an effort to talk to people.
Then for some reason, the movie Halloween was on (an inappropriate movie to watch with very small children around) and suddenly I heard sounds coming from upstairs. I had a vision that the events of the movie were taking place upstairs.
Sure enough, before I could get upstairs to investigate, a tall, black shadowy figure came floating eerily down the stairs.
I somehow managed to get the majority of the kids out of the house and told them to run down the street to the party, until there was me and just one other child in the house.
The shadow cornered me and the child in the living room and all I could do was stand and watch hopelessly as it got closer and closer. I looked down at the child and realised I hadn't been looking after him all evening; it's like he appeared out of nowhere.
The child was glowing like a ghost and I realised that it was the child version of the shadowy figure and that's what it was after.
It sounds callous to write now, but I knew I had to sacrifice the child-ghost to the shadowy figure in order to save myself, so that's what I did.
I ended up at the party down the street anyway and the parents of the children I was babysitting praised me for my bravery, though I felt a fraud because of the child-ghost I left behind.
My relief was short lived when I realised the shadow was following me, though no-one else could sense it or see besides me.
I ended up fleeing to work in desperation.
In the dream, my workplace was a room full of dishwashers and cleaning equipment; I think it must have been the kitchen for a large hotel or other establishment.
My colleagues were surprised to see me there but I joined in with whatever activities were taking place and for a while I felt calm and relaxed.
Once again, this was short lived when a colleague burst in and said that an intruder had been spotted on the security camera and that it was heading straight for me.
Now, not only feeling afraid, but also tremendously guilty for bringing this onto my colleagues, we frantically went around the room turning off all the equipment and dimming all the lights in order to make the room look empty.
I went to the back of the room where there was a bathtub with an attached shower and shower curtain, where I ducked down and closed my eyes and prayed that the shadow didn't find me.
Sunday, 30 August 2015
Dream Diary #80: The Littlest Project
I had started a new job at a supermarket.
I have worked in supermarkets in real-life before so the feeling was bittersweet especially when the supervisor came along and announced that the regional managers were visiting so the place had to look spotless (something I hated about supermarket work!)
I guess my job was supposed to be stacking the shelves or something, but I spent a great deal of time picking the rubbish off the floor and disposing of it.
So when I was given the task of rearranging a small vase of flowers I relished the opportunity. However, the flowers were mostly dead and it was hard to make them look nice, but as a naturally creative person I was determined to make them look as good as possible.
There seemed to be a lot of staff and not many jobs to do and pretty soon everyone was wading in on my little project, trying to undo and undermine the work I'd done, leaving me feeling dejected, sad and frustrated.
Trying to leave the supermarket for my lunch break, I was surprised to see that the entrance/exit resembled an airport. You had to go through a metal detector just to leave and enter the store!
Later, the supervisor kept trying to take me aside several times as she sensed that I was sad but due to the chaotic airport-like surroundings, we kept getting interrupted.
I have worked in supermarkets in real-life before so the feeling was bittersweet especially when the supervisor came along and announced that the regional managers were visiting so the place had to look spotless (something I hated about supermarket work!)
I guess my job was supposed to be stacking the shelves or something, but I spent a great deal of time picking the rubbish off the floor and disposing of it.
So when I was given the task of rearranging a small vase of flowers I relished the opportunity. However, the flowers were mostly dead and it was hard to make them look nice, but as a naturally creative person I was determined to make them look as good as possible.
There seemed to be a lot of staff and not many jobs to do and pretty soon everyone was wading in on my little project, trying to undo and undermine the work I'd done, leaving me feeling dejected, sad and frustrated.
Trying to leave the supermarket for my lunch break, I was surprised to see that the entrance/exit resembled an airport. You had to go through a metal detector just to leave and enter the store!
Later, the supervisor kept trying to take me aside several times as she sensed that I was sad but due to the chaotic airport-like surroundings, we kept getting interrupted.
Monday, 24 August 2015
Dream Diary #79: Piece of Cake
I was attending a wedding and it was time to cut the cake but there didn't seem to be an appropriate knife or slicing tool available. In the end, I had to resort to using a meat cleaver to cut through the thick, pink icing.
I am the first to cut a piece from the cake, but when others see what I am eating, they follow suit and get a piece too.
In real-life, I don't eat a lot of cake as it gives me stomach ache, but in the dream it tasted so good that I had several slices.
The following morning, when it was time to return home I saw that we were flying on a private passenger plane!
As we were preparing to board, I realised that in addition to all the regular seating inside the plane, there were special re-inforced seats that extended out onto the wing.
My mum begged me to sit near her so she wouldn't have to speak with the rest of the family all the way home. I agreed though it meant I would be in a wing seat.
The plane was situated on a grassy airfield, preparing to take off. I sat in my seat, watching my niece play on the field with a stewardess.
Without warning, the plane began moving and a cardigan I had not yet put away flew off and onto the ground.
I yelled down at my niece to grab it and pass it up to me, though the stewardess reassured me that I had plenty of time before the plane took off so if I wanted to quickly jump down and get it myself, then I could.
As my niece had already picked up my fallen cardigan and was running towards the plane to give it to me, I stayed where I was.
Then suddenly, the plane lifted off the ground. Even the stewardess, who was supposed to be on the plane with us, looked shocked and confused, as if this wasn't supposed to happen.
I tried knocking on the side of the plane and yelling to get the pilot's attention, but to no avail. I could only watch as we flew higher and higher, the stewardess led my niece off the airfield and in the direction of the airport. I presume, to radio the plane and let the pilot know they had been left behind.
Even throughout the panic of this, the feeling of flying out on the wing like that, felt amazing!
Inside the plane, I asked the pilot of he had heard anything yet, and he said yes and had already been back and picked them up (I don't recall this happening) and suddenly my niece bounded up the plane, wanting to sit next to me.
I am the first to cut a piece from the cake, but when others see what I am eating, they follow suit and get a piece too.
In real-life, I don't eat a lot of cake as it gives me stomach ache, but in the dream it tasted so good that I had several slices.
The following morning, when it was time to return home I saw that we were flying on a private passenger plane!
As we were preparing to board, I realised that in addition to all the regular seating inside the plane, there were special re-inforced seats that extended out onto the wing.
My mum begged me to sit near her so she wouldn't have to speak with the rest of the family all the way home. I agreed though it meant I would be in a wing seat.
The plane was situated on a grassy airfield, preparing to take off. I sat in my seat, watching my niece play on the field with a stewardess.
Without warning, the plane began moving and a cardigan I had not yet put away flew off and onto the ground.
I yelled down at my niece to grab it and pass it up to me, though the stewardess reassured me that I had plenty of time before the plane took off so if I wanted to quickly jump down and get it myself, then I could.
As my niece had already picked up my fallen cardigan and was running towards the plane to give it to me, I stayed where I was.
Then suddenly, the plane lifted off the ground. Even the stewardess, who was supposed to be on the plane with us, looked shocked and confused, as if this wasn't supposed to happen.
I tried knocking on the side of the plane and yelling to get the pilot's attention, but to no avail. I could only watch as we flew higher and higher, the stewardess led my niece off the airfield and in the direction of the airport. I presume, to radio the plane and let the pilot know they had been left behind.
Even throughout the panic of this, the feeling of flying out on the wing like that, felt amazing!
Inside the plane, I asked the pilot of he had heard anything yet, and he said yes and had already been back and picked them up (I don't recall this happening) and suddenly my niece bounded up the plane, wanting to sit next to me.
Thursday, 6 August 2015
Dream Diary #76: Four Corners Club
I was auditioning/interviewing for the Four Corners Club, an exclusive sorority of sorts. This entailed going to stay in an isolated house in the middle of the country with other fellow candidates.
Although everyone else seemed to be much taller and more confident than I, everything seemed to go okay at first. However, as with most environments where there are women competing against one another, it wasn't to last.
My troubles began with the teachers/instructors. They seemed to be on a warpath to seek out the weakest potential members. The trouble was, I seemed to be the only one they had it in for.
They took me aside as everyone was leaving the room and showed me a piece of paper covered in red ink. It was my application form, and they had critiqued it! They had even criticised how I'd written my address and how it made me an 'undesirable candidate' for the Four Corners Club.
Tears of hurt and anger ran down my face because no-one else was having the way they write their address ripped apart, I began to protest and defend myself but the instructors interpreted this as me 'having an attitude' and that, too, would go against me.
Humiliated and hurt, I moved on to the next class where everyone else was already waiting.
Even though I had been taken aside, the instructors weren't discreet in their approach and it was very obvious what they'd been doing and the kind of things they were saying - and that everyone knew.
And of course, as we were in competition with each other, no-one was particularly comforting or encouraging. I basically had to sit there as everyone sat smugly gloating that they weren't in the firing line.
One girl in particular decided to make her dislike of me very known. She loudly shouted "God, your voice is so annoying!" every time I spoke, and instead of defending me the instructor simply implied that I should just find a way 'to be less annoying.' It seemed like they encouraged and even enjoyed the rivalry.
After having endured the humilation all day and having no-one step in to defend me, I eventually snapped. Overcome with rage, I went for her looks and intelligence and screamed that she was 'a stupid, ugly idiot!' and she actually looked shocked and hurt, as if she'd never heard a bad word said about her in her whole life.
If her feelings were hurt, I didn't apologise or feel any remorse as she apparently had none for me. I stormed out.
I left feeling like I could at least count on the love and support from my boyfriend to help me feel better, but when I passed him on the way to my dorm, he saw the hurt on my face... and pretended he didn't see me!
That was more hurt than I was prepared to take and instead of confronting him, I just walked away. I didn't have any strength left to beg for his attention.
Back at the dorm, the tone and atmosphere of the dream changed.
It seemed that there was a party taking place, as some of the sorority members had decided to dress up in costume. One had dressed in a particularly frightening costume that resembled both the Wicked Witch of the West from the Wizard of Oz, and a clown!
At first it was all fun and games with them jumping out playfully trying to scare me, but I turned around as another member closed and locked the sliding doors behind me and turned off all the lights, leaving me and the witch/clown alone in the dark together.
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