Dream Diary #131: Getting Crushed

I am living/staying inside a big house with several floors, surrounded by many people - most of whom are little children.

It soon becomes apparent that two of the children are The Crush's. In real life, he and his wife are more than capable of taking care of their kids and have many, many other babysitter options before me, so I do not know why they are in my care but for some reason it makes me happy and I really enjoy playing with and getting to know them. It weirdly makes me feel closer to The Crush and like I am getting to know him better, through them.

At one point the younger of the two is painting and gets paint on her clothes - she is wearing some sort of fairy or princess costume and I take it off her to put it in the wash and I really hope The Crush and his wife are not angry at me for her clothes getting messed up while on my watch.

I look up and catch a glimpse of The Crush returning 'home' and it seems that he has been out drinking, which explains why I am taking care of his children, although there is no mention, sighting or acknowledgement of his wife's whereabouts. 

He sees me and smiles as it seems he had prior knowledge that I was babysitting his kids (I had no prior knowledge until I saw them) and he stops and engages in quite a long, in-depth conversation with me (in reality he has rarely ever done this) and even tipsily confesses that he thinks he may have a gambling problem (something I don't actually believe to be true) but it humanizes him to me in way as I have had a tendency to put him on a pedestal.

He suddenly stops, as if he's going to say something, smiles at me and then looks away without saying anything and a voice in my head says, "He would tell you how he feels about you, if he could." 

Dream Diary #130: Time Bomb

(The date of this dream may not be accurate as I retrieved this post as a draft without checking the original date I wrote it)

I am transported back to my retail days of working in a supermarket, when suddenly the store is under attack from a mass shooter.

Terrified, I cower in the corner of one of the aisles and though I am shot at several times, somehow I manage to escape from being gravely injured.

I see the culprit walk back and forth past the end of the aisle many times and when I can't see him I can hear the bullets as they ricochet off the walls of the building.

It seems as though I am there for hours, frozen to the spot in fear, conscious of the fact that many of my colleagues were either dead or had managed to escape, but I had no idea which ones.

Just when things start to go quiet and it seems as though the threat has subsided, another man enters the room. I can see him over my shoulder at the opposite end of the aisle that I had seen the shooter; he is carrying a large sports bag and he sets it down on a table and turns towards me, grinning sinisterly.

My heart sinks when he pulls a bomb out of the bag and I know that I hadn't just survived a mass shooting only to be killed by a suicide bomber!

I stand and just as I am about to run, I hear a noise from behind. It is one of my colleagues who had managed to hide in the next aisle along from me.

The man doesn't do very much to stop us, and I put this down to the fact that the bomb would go off imminently. Everything seems to turn to slow motion as I roughly grab my colleague and pull her along with me.

We run towards a lift and get inside. It seems to take forever to get to the top and I feel wave after wave of anxiety in anticipation for the bomb going off.

When we reached the top, we are in a shopping mall and we run through it screaming at everyone to evacuate as fast as they can. I awake before the bomb has a chance to go off.

Dream Diary #128: Final Destination

I arrived in a picturesque remote town in rural USA. I was trying to get to another state but my plane ticket had only managed to get me as far as this unnamed town. I knew I had to get to the airport and buy another ticket to get to my final destination but I didn't drive and didn't know anyone to give me a lift, so I decided I would have to hitchhike and started to ask strangers for directions. 

The information I got was very confusing and contradictory with one person telling me to go this way and then another telling me to go in the opposite direction. 

Exhausted and weary, I decided to take some time out from my travels and stay in the town I was in for a while, to rest and re-calibrate my plans. 

Luckily, the town had a hotel in it so I asked for a room. The locals seemed intrigued by me and were a bit standoffish at first but soon warmed to me when they saw how in love with the town I was.

The town itself wasn't much to look at from the outside but I quickly fell for the remote location and the vast, wide open fields that sent my amateur photographer senses tingling.

The town also offered a very unique tourist attraction in the form of a partially free range petting zoo in the centre with all manner of animals - some not even native to the USA - on display.

Of course, I was dying to take pictures but every time I pointed my camera, someone would instantly stand in my way. They didn't do it deliberately, but there weren't that many people in the town so it was puzzling how someone always managed to get in the way of my shot. 

I was having such an amazing time that I found myself running through all the scenarios in my head that would allow me stay there permanently.

Dream Diary #127: Character Building

I was on a ship in the middle of a beautiful ocean.

I was working on an actress of a movie; the plot of the movie involved a group of individuals who were hired by a wealthy man to retrieve a ancient ring from an exotic temple as he wanted it to propose to his significant other. 

The movie, which was directed by Keanu Reeves for some reason (?), had all the typical characters you'd expect to see in such a film - there was the handsome main character (the hero), the pretty girl (the hero's love interest), the comic relief, the villain etc. - but I couldn't figure out for the life of me what my role was? It seemed as though if you removed my character from the movie, it would make no difference to the story whatsoever. 

I brought this up and was reassured that although there was a script, depending on how we interpreted our characters and the chemistry between us actors, our roles within the story were fluid and could change at any given moment. 

I suddenly got a flash forward to the end of the movie and the main character was embracing me instead of the actress playing the love interest!

Sure enough, once we started filming our scenes, my character did indeed have more natural chemistry and rapport with the lead actor than the actress hired to play the love interest. 

Filming inside all of the temple's caves and tunnels was so much fun, I completely forgot that we were in a movie. 

The dream then switched a little and I had given my mum and my sister an excerpt of a love scene I had written for them to read. I was apprehensive and nervous at exposing that side of my writing to them but they told me they thought it was really good and that they enjoyed it. 

Feeling proud myself, I took the pages from them and tried to put them in order as they were all jumbled, but couldn't because after several attempts to make sense out of what I'd written I realised it was still in my head and I hadn't written my love scene down yet.

Dream Diary #126: Muddy Waters

I was standing on the edge of a canal and there was barge in the water that I wanted to get to but the only way to get there was to walk across a very shaky, unstable wooden plank. 

At first, it didn't look so bad; after all, if I fell I would just land in the water, right? However, a quick glance in the water showed that the canal was very muddy and oily looking and I didn't fancy falling in, so I ignored my initial desire to board the barge and decided against going on it at all.

I then made my way to the opposite side of the canal, where the water was much cleaner and resembled a typical public swimming pool setting, with dozens of people jumping in and splashing around. It looked like so much fun I decided to join in but before I could everyone decided to get out and go to the muddy side of the canal instead.

I couldn't understand their logic and tried to tell them about the state of the water over there, but no-one would listen.

So I watched as they each made their way over and crossed over the plank to the barge with ease and suddenly I was angry with myself for doubting that I would ever make it across and wished I'd trusted myself to be the trailblazer that I am on the inside, rather than the follower I appeared to be on the outside.

Dream Diary #125: The Owling

I woke up one morning to see a stack of gifts at the foot of my bed; one of which was a pet owl.

At first, the owl looked half-dead and  I wondered how well whomever had bought it for me had been taking care of it and I quickly noticed that I hadn't been provided with any tools or instructions for taking care of the owl and I had no idea how to take care of one.

I wasn't even sure how I felt about feeding my owl live mice and wondered if dead mice would be acceptable - or what any acceptable alternatives would be? I wondered how I would train it not to fly away; I'd seen people use leashes to train falcons but would they work on owls?

I needed a trip to the pet store, and fast, but no-one would help take me there. I was completely on my own. 

As I don't yet drive, I mapped out the route in my head, and with only a vague idea of where I was going, grabbed an old gardening glove so that I could carry the owl on my hand, and started walking.

In reality I could have just taken the bus but for some reason, I walked. Along the way, I felt completely helpless, isolated and alone. I couldn't believe that someone thought it would be a good idea to give me a pet owl, but no guidance on how to take care of it - and not only that, no-one was willing to help me help myself learn.

Dream Diary #124: The Real Deal

I was working as an actress and during the filming of the movie I'd been hired for I had been put up in a beautiful hotel suite that overlooked a gorgeous, colourful forest with mountains in the distance. The suite was like a small - but luxurious - apartment, complete with a dining and lounge area and I looked around unable to believe how lucky I was to be housed there.

Even more exciting to me was that the views outside offered me a chance to use my camera for some new and exciting photography; just a quick scan of the landscape using the zoom function confirmed the many images I could potentially capture!

However, each time I pressed the button to take a picture the camera jammed and a message flashed up on the screen saying the 'camera was tired of taking photographs' and to 'try again later'. I tried again and the same thing happened. 

Frustrated that some of my potentially most amazing photographs had eluded me due to my 'lazy' camera, I threw it onto the ground and proceeded to stomp on it! After a couple of stomps, I realised it was no longer my camera on the floor, but a doll? This didn't stop me from taking my anger out on it, I continued putting my foot down until the doll was destroyed. 

A short while later, after I'd had a chance to calm down, the rest of the cast, including the leading man, started arriving. I recognised the cast from an existing movie and I realised that it was the movie we were shooting (though mountainous woodland was completely the wrong landscape!) 

I was excited to meet and spend time with the actor playing the leading man as I was looking forward to sharing the suite with an attractive man and being romanced, even if it would be simulated for the purpose of building chemistry for the movie. 

He was very animated and talkative when everyone else was around, but when it was just he and I left in the hotel suite he suddenly clammed up, and was only interested in looking at his phone rather then talking to and getting to know me.

That's when I remembered that the actor during the movie in question quite famously slept on a boat during production and a quick glance out of the window confirmed that there was a houseboat on the nearby lake and suddenly the idea of being 'fake' romanced didn't seem quite so appealing; I wanted the real deal. 

I found myself wishing he'd just hurry up and go, but when he didn't, I abruptly excused myself from the hotel suite - only going back in briefly to poke my head round the door to say I was leaving.

Dream Diary #122 + #123: Bleeding Love + Ghost Town

(I actually had this dream more than a week ago but didn't write it down as I found it quite upsetting)

It seemed that my dream had come true and my Love and I were in each other's lives again and what's more, he appeared to be making an effort with my family, interacting with and getting to know them.

But before I could get too happy and content I glanced down at myself and realised that I was bleeding heavily from between my legs! Instinctively, I knew that I was experiencing a miscarriage, despite not being aware I was even pregnant.

In total shock and horror, I immediately went to my Love, expecting him to show concern and worry but instead, he just took one look at me and turned away - his face completely expressionless and unemotional.

I stood there covered in blood and sobbing with devastation and confusion.

----------

(I actually had this dream before the attack in Manchester)

Due to the various terrorist events occurring worldwide as well as the increasingly volatile state of the political world, I began to notice that fewer and fewer people were showing up to work each day.

My job isn't without it's risks, even at the best of times, but now people simply didn't feel safe, not only to come to work but to be out in general. As a result the whole town where I lived started to resemble a ghost town.

This sent my employer into crisis mode and they called an emergency meeting for those of us who still dared show up to the office. They concluded that it was simply too risky to be at work and announced that the office would be closed down with immediate effect and dismissed everyone from the building.

At first, this was welcome news; I loved leaving the office early and having the rest of the day to do as I pleased. Even though I hated being unemployed due to the lack of money and therefore, opportunities, there was and is a small part of me that misses the lifestyle I had when I was unemployed and having the freedom to come and go as I choose without being tied to a schedule.

Then the reality of what had happened started to sink in - how was I going to support myself now? How was I going to afford to live and eat? And would I still be able to live in in the property where I live? In fact, how would anyone be able do any of these things if the town had just come grinding to a halt?

Dream Diary #121: Bad Blood

I was at a house party held by a friend. 

In haven't socialised much with this group of friends in a while in real-life because I don't feel like I have much in common with them any more as my connection to them stems from a very specific time in my life that I no longer feel connected to, but I don't really have any 'real' reason to end the friendship with them as they've done nothing to warrant it, so in the dream it felt as though I was putting in an appearance so as not to appear rude or ignorant.

As the party drew to a close, I found myself alone standing in my friend's backyard contemplating my journey home.

I was then joined by an ex-boyfriend - my first love - who also just so happens to be the ex-husband of the friend who had just hosted the house party (complicated I know, but I grew up in a small town!) and for a while we just strolled through the backyard chatting and reminiscing about old times.

In reality, I am very much over the relationship but a very small subconscious part of me was enjoying the attention he was giving me. There is a still a subdued connection and understanding there, I think.

When the time came that I really did have to leave for home, I had the option of taking the shortcut of going through my friend's home and using her front door or going out of the yard and following the path round and into the street. I decided upon the shortcut, but given my ex's and my friend's history, he didn't come inside the house, he just waved me off from outside. 

As I entered her house, my friend seemed surprised to see me, which I thought was odd seeing as though I wouldn't have gone inside her house if I truly didn't think she'd be okay with it, but when she saw her ex-husband standing in the doorway, she immediately turned on me!

She asked me what I thought I was playing at, why did I bring him here etc.?

I tried explaining that I didn't bring him, that he was already in the yard and I wasn't aware that things were that bad between them, but she quickly ushered me out her house in disgust.

I stood outside her house on the street waiting for my bus, completely baffled and bewildered by what just happened and wondering why was it such a common theme in my life that people were so quick to jump to their own conclusions about me without giving me a chance to explain my intentions? 

I had to use the restroom and noticing that her bathroom was outside for some reason, I contemplated using it before her current boyfriend came outside - he had turned from young and attractive to wizened and old - and he basically explained that my friend had told him that she couldn't possibly continue her friendship with me due to my 'thoughtlessness' and 'betrayal'.

Dream Diary #120: Love and Understanding

After going 'off the grid' for several years, my True Love reappeared back in my life sleeping in a bush close my workplace (in reality there are no bushes close to where I work.) He looked dishevelled and disorientated, as if he had been sleeping for the whole time he'd been 'away' and was only just now waking up, with no idea how he got there.

I didn't care about his appearance as I ran towards him and threw my arms around him, so happy and excited to see him again. I had gotten so used to his lack of presence in my life the past few years that I didn't question him about a reconciliation or whether we would see each other again, and even accompanied him to the airport when the powers that be decided it was best for him to be returned to his home country.

I saw him off and returned to work, still amazed by the miracle of seeing him again after so long, albeit briefly, when I had resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't see him ever again. 

Various shenanigans took place at work and I had almost forgotten that I'd seen my True Love again, when as I was leaving to go home, I froze with shock when I saw him sitting in the street waiting for me.

His legs were missing from the knee down so he couldn't run away or go anywhere so I approached him and sat down. Suddenly, all of the repressed emotions that I had previously been holding back came rushing to the surface and I started to cry and explain how sorry I was and that I had never meant to hurt him or be apart for this long.

But before I could get my words out he took my hand and began repeating back to me exactly what I was going to say! 

Relief flooded through my me and my tears turned from sadness to joy as I thought, "You get it, you finally understand!" For the first time in so long, he wasn't ignoring or wilfully misunderstanding me and it felt so good!

I lay down next to him in the street, still holding hands.

Dream Diary #119: The Man Across the Street

I was being held captive in a house by Michael Myers. On the opposite side of the street lived a man I had fallen in love with from a distance and I dreamt of him rescuing me from my current plight, but no-one on the outside even knew I was there.

Eventually my predicament became so unbearable, I knew I had to escape, no matter how crippled by fear I was. Going out of the front door was impossible; Michael was patrolling it at almost all times. Instead, I devised a plan to go through the roof as I had access to a skylight window that I opened up and climbed out of. 

I took a running leap off the roof, ensuring I landed as far on the opposite side of the street as I could, to give me a head start if Michael happened to see and come after me. I knew that if I could make it to the neighbour's house I would be safe, as Michael wouldn't reveal himself in front of the other people in the neighbourhood.

The man was very understanding and took me under his wing, just as I hoped he would. Unfortunately, although Michael couldn't harm me as long as I was in the protection of my neighbour, this didn't stop him from standing in the front yard and glaring at me from across the street, motioning to me that he ever gets me alone with him I'm dead.

Other than that, I felt completely safe and contented, building my new life.

Until, that is, my neighbourhood decided to throw a party for me and invited everyone in the street, including Michael who was just regarded as a reclusive, eccentric loner but ultimately harmless.

In order to welcome me to the community (they were unaware I had lived down the street as a captive for quite some time), it was decided that everyone would approach me and introduce themselves to me individually. When it was Michael's turn, he came towards me with an axe in his hands. Everyone laughed, thinking it was a joke, but only I knew that he was capable of inflicting real harm on me. He held the axe to my leg and then lifted it up to strike me and I braced myself for the blow.

To my amazement, he stopped just before the axe hit my leg, broke the axe in two, handed me the lower half and walked away.

Dream Diary #118: Riding The Waves

I was strolling along the seafront with a friend that I didn't recognise as anyone I know in real-life, when with an almighty roar and crash, a tidal wave descended down upon us, without warning.

Miraculously, we somehow survived, but knew we were on borrowed time as the tide started to retreat out to sea again and we knew another wave was on it's way. We didn't know if we could survive a second time around.

Of course, the logical thing to do was to find our way to higher ground, so we found a nearby hill to climb up, that frankly would've done absolutely nothing to protect us if it were a real-life tsunami situation. 

Thankfully, as it was a dream, we could sit from our spot and observe the natural phenomenon in safety.

To my surprise, The Obnoxious Girl showed up; and although I was surprised, I was sort of expecting her as well, as though my unnamed friend had been discussing her coming along with us, prior to the tidal wave.

Normally the presence of The Obnoxious Girl annoyed me, but due to the common 'enemy' of the tidal wave and our shared amazement at the phenomenon, we actually started to get along and she joined us on the little hillside as we watched another wave form in the distance.

Dream Diary #117: The Ick Factor

I found myself in the company of my former landlord and a few others. This was a surprise since, although my landlord never did anything especially horrible to me, he often made me feel very uncomfortable and this, among other things, was a contributing factor that made me want to leave the property and I had no intention of ever seeing, let alone hanging out with him.

 As it turned out that he had developed a crush on the tenant that moved in after me, and as a fellow female he appealed to me set him up with her. 

I had reservations about doing so, not least because my former landlord was a gluttonous old man in his sixties with a weight problem and a plethora of obesity related health conditions.

Disturbingly, I learned that he had his eye on me, had I not moved out when I did. Apparently just the fact that I was female within a close proximity was more than enough to consider me. 

I caught a glimpse of the woman who had moved in and she seemed really nice and sweet; like someone who would perhaps be too polite to say 'no' if asked out, or set up on, a date.

I felt really guilty even attempting to set her up with someone I personally found so repulsive but then another part of me thought: who am I to judge? What if they really hit it off? Am I just being shallow?

But still, my own personal experiences and judgements got in the way and I found myself warning, rather than appealing to her.

Dream Diary #116: Zombie Apocalypse Now

A zombie apocalypse was sweeping across the nation. The epidemic was spreading so fast and was so imminent that the powers that be weren't even attempting evacuation or rescue procedures; they were merely recommending that people prepare for their inevitable deaths in whatever way they saw fit.

Utterly terrified, I separated myself from my family, barricading myself inside the bathroom absolutely determined that I would survive or at least be in control of how I died. I thought that by entrapping in the bathroom it would bide me some time to think of an escape or survival plan. 

However, everything started to go wrong; from the door coming off the hinges to people poking their heads through the window to chat to me about the current turn of events.

When the husband of the woman I was talking to came to whisk her away to safety I felt a pang of sadness that I didn't have anyone physically present in my life to care about me, the way he cared for her. 

I somehow managed, in the midst of all the chaos, to take a bath; reasoning that if I was going to die, I wanted to feel clean and good about myself.

As the noise and mayhem began to gain momentum and get louder and closer, I tensed up as I prepared myself for the inevitable.

Then, everything went silent.

I looked up and everything was dark.

A mysterious, faceless figure began speaking to me. It explained that it was going to let me in on a secret; the zombie apocalypse had never actually been a zombie apocalypse at all!

Instead, it was a dark, supernatural force, not unlike the 'Slenderman' urban legend that was engulfing the nation and wiping out humanity. 

My blood went cold as I found myself standing on an upper level floor watching as a dark, shadowy figure floated underneath me. I had been given a chance to survive but I knew I had to hide before the shadow found me. 

Dream Diary #115: Critical Thinking

I was in an art class, but not a class that a person would take in adulthood; it was like being in a school classroom, or more specifically, like being at primary or nursery school but I still had the mind of an adult.

I didn't enjoy school whilst I was there, but I was happy that I was in an art class because it was a subject I always tended to be good at and because I still had my adult mind, I knew that I could draw like my adult self, too.

My drawings aren't amazing on a technical level by any means, but I knew that my style would look impressive coming from a child of primary/nursery school age. 

The exercise we were given was a test but I didn't feel the usual test anxiety I normally get when I know I'm being judged and assessed, because it was a subject I was passionate about.

I drew a black unicorn with wings flying through space with a neon rainbow in the background. Within the dream, I got so far and sensed I should stop while the drawing still looked good (something I do in real-life as well), but I got carried away and coloured the background in black too, which had the effect of lessening the impact of the unicorn in the foreground.

The end result wasn't terrible but I couldn't help but wish I'd coloured the background in a different colour.

However, when it came to showing our work, the teachers and other classmates were really impressed and crowded round my drawing, praising it.

Meanwhile, while I didn't think my drawing was awful, I was all too aware of my work's imperfections and couldn't stop myself from picking it apart.

Dream Diary #114: Ignorance is not Bliss

I got the unique opportunity to stay with my love's family for a little while. I was excited at first, but while his family were perfectly friendly and accepting of me, my love just went out of his way to ignore and avoid me. 

He was working as DJ in a nightclub, which is very odd because being a DJ is an overly social and outgoing job that I know he would hate to have in real-life, but it meant that he could avoid me by working at night and sleeping throughout the day. 

The little I did see of him, he would enter the room and make an effort to talk to everyone but me. One evening, I thought he was taking me to work with him but instead he led me to a woman he'd been dating's house and proceeded to come onto her in front of me, knowing full well that I was watching. The woman was clearly uncomfortable as he was going out of his way to not acknowledge my existence, even though it was obvious he knew me and that I was there with him.

I felt so incredibly sad because I couldn't understand what I'd done that warranted such prolonged punishment and cruelty. How was it easier for him to ignore me than to just listen to what I had to say? 

I experienced a brief respite from the situation when we ended up in either an old church or some kind of museum where the interior resembled a church together; we still weren't exactly friends but the shared common interest of history and art provided a distraction from our issues. I even found the courage to wander off alone and not care whether or not he would talk to me because I wanted to enjoy my surroundings. Ironically, I could feel him watch me, like he didn't want me to leave him.

Dream Diary #113: Game of Homes

For some reason, my mother, my sister and I had moved into a new house together, along with my sister's kids without my father and sister's husband.

Even though the house was located in a fairly urban setting, it seemed really isolated and cut off from the rest of the world. This feeling was exacerbated by the fact that the town seemed to be in a perpetual state of twilight and the house was in disrepair, almost derelict even.

However, one of the amazing things about the house was the garden which had an enormous pond-like swimming pool. 

The pool, like the house, was shabby and overgrown with plant life. The water was crystal clear and you could see an overabundance of pond scum and algae clinging to the bottom. In spite of this, I was very excited at the prospect of having our very own pool in our backyard and wanted to jump right in, even though it hadn't been cleaned yet. 

As it turned out, I didn't even need to go directly into the water to enjoy it as the various plants and flowers were sentient, interactive beings! I had so much fun sitting on the lily pads and letting them float me around the water. The plants even started to play games with me, creating little assault courses on top of the water.

It was like seeing the world through the eyes of a child again, where everything was a potential game or adventure.

Eventually, I was called to go inside, and just as my sister and I were about to enter the doorway to the house, my sister slipped and fell. At first, I thought she'd slipped on water but she said that it was amniotic fluid and that 'the doctor had warned her this might happen'. I was very puzzled because although my sister has had three children in real-life, they were all born via c-section and she has not given birth that recently, nor was there any indication that she had done so recently in the dream either.

Nevertheless, an ambulance was called, and for some reason the presence of the emergency services brought everyone in the neighbourhood out of their hiding places as dozens of people crowded round to see what was going on.

I, too, was concerned about my sister but I was also conscious about getting in the way of the paramedics doing their job so I hung back and observed from afar.

Dream Diary #112: Oh, Baby

I was in the middle of a vacation at a luxury resort when I discovered that I was pregnant. Instinctively, I knew that the father was my Love, even though we haven't seen each other in almost a year and a half. I hadn't had a relationship or even slept with anyone else in the meantime, so the news came as a massive shock.

It was as if we had conceived the baby on another plane of existence and I was devastated because ultimately I was the one who was going to be left to raise it as a single mother, while his physical self didn't acknowledge me at all. It just didn't seem fair!

Also, the news had come at such an inconvenient time as I had just moved house and started a new job after being unemployed for an extended period of time and as I was so unprepared I feared I would have to move back in with my family for support.

I seriously considered a termination but an ultrasound revealed that I was already 22 weeks along and a termination would probably mean going through labour just to give birth to a dead or dying baby, which I obviously didn't want to do.

The ultrasound also showed that the baby was a girl and something inside me told me that she was going to grow up and become an important and influential figure in humanity (hence why the powers that be had ensured her conception, despite mine and her father's lack of physical proximity) so I decided to go ahead with the pregnancy.

As I knew my Love wouldn't respond, I felt that I should call my Love's mother, out of courtesy, to tell her the news even though it would be such an awkward conversation to have.

My family was incredibly supportive even though they were as baffled by the situation as I was.

Dream Diary #111: Talk to the Hand 'cause the Heart Ain't Listening

I somehow found myself unexpectedly dating a guy at work. On paper, he was ideal boyfriend material; attractive, had a good job and seemed like a nice person but it puzzled me how we had gotten together in the first place as I hadn't pursued him and it seemed as though we had virtually nothing of substance in common; he seemed really down to earth and I felt as though I would have to stifle my quirky tendencies around him.

Also, there were far prettier women than me that were attracted to him, who seemed as though they'd be more on his wavelength, but for whatever reason, he'd picked me. 

My colleagues started treating me differently and with more respect, as the guy was in a position of some authority and since there was no 'real' reason for me not to like him, I found myself going along with the whole thing in spite of my doubts.

I experienced a brief moment of a jet-set lifestyle as I flew to a nondescript store in the USA to browse art supplies. My littlest toddler nephew was holding onto my hand as we left the store and as we did so, a sense of peace washed over me as if I had suddenly 'come home.' My memory was suddenly triggered and I remembered I had a True Love and that I was supposed to be here with him.

I realised my life at home was not authentic to who I truly was and found myself finding excuses not to leave. I muttered to my nephew that I should drive us to the beach but I knew I was just prolonging the inevitable. I had to face up to the situation some time.

To my dismay, I came home to find out that my boyfriend had booked us a weekend away and had bragged about all the sexual things he was going to do with me whilst there to everyone at work and suddenly all the prestige and fanfare that came with being the girlfriend of a popular, lusted after guy in the workplace that had seemed somewhat appealing at first, became repulsive to me. Besides, we still barely even knew each other and I couldn't even recall one unique quality about him that set him apart from any other attractive man I'd met. It became apparent that his attraction to me was highly superficial.

I couldn't go through the motions of a relationship just to please other people so I had to break up with him regardless of whether others would understand my reasons for doing so. I started to cry because I couldn't believe how disconnected I felt towards my surroundings.

Dream Diary #110: Going Underground

I had relocated to another country in order to work and study. After trying to organise my working life around the people I didn't like, it was time to organise sleeping arrangements in the dormitories. Apparently, I had to live with the people I was working with and it turned out that my bed was situated right next to the fridge and dining area and I thought of how inconvenient that would be for me trying to sleep and relax with a constant stream of people coming back and forth to eat and prepare food nearby.

However, I didn't give it too much thought as there were other, more important things on my mind. I was now living in the same town as my Love, or the town I'd last known him to be living in (I know he moves around a lot) and even though we hadn't been in contact and I had no idea if he'd like to be, all I could think about was going to see him. There was just one problem; I didn't know where he was!

I hadn't even unpacked any of my clothes, so I had to improvise and decided that I would just wander about the town in the hope of bumping into him. Our paths were bound to cross eventually, right?

It turned out I was in luck as someone recognised me from living there before and she approached me and asked, "You're looking for him aren't you?" 

I nodded and she led me to an underground 'Hobbit'-style cave. I went inside and found my Love asleep in bed, even though it was daylight outside. I suspected he had gone to bed after working through the night, so I just sat quietly in a chair and waited for him to wake up. 

When he woke, he wasn't exactly jumping for joy to see me but he wasn't overly surprised either - almost like he'd been expecting me to be there.

We had a lot of catching up to do, but perhaps the most surprising thing of all was that, in our hiatus, he had taken up photography as a hobby (which is weird because he doesn't like photographs) but he preferred to use a polaroid camera instead of a digital one and took time to show me each snapshot that he'd taken. 

In another (brief) part of my dream, it seemed as though we had joined forces again as I have cut my thumb in real-life, but I dreamt that the government were after me because I had a vial of my blood and they wanted it for some reason. My Love was helping me to hide it, which was no easy task seeing as though the house we were in was completely empty with no furniture at all. 

We managed to disguise it sufficiently under a pile of rags just as the government were banging on the door. He took my hand and told me not to worry because he'd protect me.