Dream Diary #111: Talk to the Hand 'cause the Heart Ain't Listening

I somehow found myself unexpectedly dating a guy at work. On paper, he was ideal boyfriend material; attractive, had a good job and seemed like a nice person but it puzzled me how we had gotten together in the first place as I hadn't pursued him and it seemed as though we had virtually nothing of substance in common; he seemed really down to earth and I felt as though I would have to stifle my quirky tendencies around him.

Also, there were far prettier women than me that were attracted to him, who seemed as though they'd be more on his wavelength, but for whatever reason, he'd picked me. 

My colleagues started treating me differently and with more respect, as the guy was in a position of some authority and since there was no 'real' reason for me not to like him, I found myself going along with the whole thing in spite of my doubts.

I experienced a brief moment of a jet-set lifestyle as I flew to a nondescript store in the USA to browse art supplies. My littlest toddler nephew was holding onto my hand as we left the store and as we did so, a sense of peace washed over me as if I had suddenly 'come home.' My memory was suddenly triggered and I remembered I had a True Love and that I was supposed to be here with him.

I realised my life at home was not authentic to who I truly was and found myself finding excuses not to leave. I muttered to my nephew that I should drive us to the beach but I knew I was just prolonging the inevitable. I had to face up to the situation some time.

To my dismay, I came home to find out that my boyfriend had booked us a weekend away and had bragged about all the sexual things he was going to do with me whilst there to everyone at work and suddenly all the prestige and fanfare that came with being the girlfriend of a popular, lusted after guy in the workplace that had seemed somewhat appealing at first, became repulsive to me. Besides, we still barely even knew each other and I couldn't even recall one unique quality about him that set him apart from any other attractive man I'd met. It became apparent that his attraction to me was highly superficial.

I couldn't go through the motions of a relationship just to please other people so I had to break up with him regardless of whether others would understand my reasons for doing so. I started to cry because I couldn't believe how disconnected I felt towards my surroundings.