"If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration"
--Nikola Tesla
Hi, my name is thiefofstars and I am a twin flame.
I'm going to tell you a secret; most people know that when you fall in love with someone, I mean really fall in love, you don't fall for their face or their body. But what most people don't know is that you don't even fall for their personality or their mind. What you actually fall for is their energy.
So when people talk about meeting their 'soulmate', what they're actually referring to is energy recognition (sometimes referred to as 'soul recognition'.) This is when someone's energy is so vibrationally attuned with your own that you are magnetically drawn to them and they to you.
This is why two people can seem so mismatched and lacking anything in common on the surface but experience crazy, intense chemistry and love together and why others can be so perfect for one another on paper but lack any kind of chemistry or connection. It's also why you can be attracted to, or even repelled by, someone without any rhyme or reason.
You may have heard phrases like 'cut from the same cloth' or 'on the same wavelength'. These are all phrases that refer to this exact experience.
A soulmate is identified as someone who comes into your life at a time when you need them most to give you what you are most in need of at that time, whether it be a relationship, a shoulder to cry on, a life lesson or whatever it may be. Some come into your life as a permanent fixture, some are temporary and will leave your life when they are no longer needed or necessary to complete your life's journey.
Even as you are reading this, I bet the name of someone who fits this description popped into your head. Some of you may even be able to name a few.
However...
There is a particular type of soulmate whose energetic vibration is so intrinsically in tune with yours it is literally like meeting yourself in another body. It knows not of age, time or distance. It doesn't care what religion you are, how much is in your bank account or your current relationship status. It is so magnetic, so powerful it will overcome insurmountable odds, break down cultural and societal barriers, defy all logic and cross oceans just to connect with you. Once you have experienced it, you will never, ever be able to go back to the person you were before.
This, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is your Twin Flame.
Now, if you have stumbled upon this post you probably already have a vague idea of what twin flames are and are most likely very confused right now and in a lot of pain desperately seeking answers yourself. Just a few short months ago, that was me.
The concept of twin flames isn't entirely new to me. I have been interested in many New Age topics and philosophies since I was a teenager and many times would come across articles about twin flames, but I always skipped over them. It was something that just never interested me.
Contrary to mainstream belief, soul mates, twin flames or 'other halves' are not a made-up invention by popular culture in order to sell more cards on Valentine's Day or to torture single people into feeling incomplete if they're not in a relationship. They're just labels; labels given to a phenomenon that has existed in numerous cultures worldwide for as long as there has been mankind.
In Chinese philosophy there is the concept of duality or 'Yin and Yang', where two opposing yet complimentary forces are strong independently, but even stronger when combined.
In Emily Bronte's novel 'Wuthering Heights', a novel about the tempestuous relationship between Cathy and Heathcliff - two lovers who perceive themselves to be unable to be together because of class and societal judgement and prejudice - Cathy says of Heathcliff, "Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."
Even Plato wrote about it in 'The Symposium.' He wrote that in the beginning, human beings were created with four arms, four legs, two faces and Zeus was so intimidated by their power that he split them in two, condemning them to wander the earth in search of their 'other half.'
What's interesting to note is that even as far back as the Ancient Greeks, a time in history when romantic love was not a priority and people were expected to marry for reasons other than romantic love, human beings still had a notion that there might be another 'you', out there somewhere in the world.
Even though I truly believe that there are no co-incidences and you are always where you are 'meant to be' at any given moment, I do wonder if I hadn't skipped over those articles and learned about the twin flame phenomenon, what it really was and what it entailed, if I'd only been aware, just how different could my life have been?
Right from the get-go I knew that my relationship with him was completely and utterly different and unique from anything or with anyone else in my life.
We initially connected online almost eleven years ago and bonded over a shared love of movies, books and writing. I was twenty-two, living in the UK but the fact that he was thirteen years older than me and lived on the other side of the Atlantic (he was living in San Francisco at the time so he was really on the other side) never affected the ease or fluidity of our communication. Right from the beginning, I felt as though I could tell him anything.
In a strange twist of fate, some of our earliest conversations were discussing the concept of fate and destiny and whether it really exists. What I wouldn't give to be able to re-read those conversations with the perspective and knowledge I have now.
More recently he tried to share his love of the TV series, 'Twin Peaks' with me because it combined elements that interested us both; interesting plot and characterisation for him and strange and supernatural ideas for me. I could actually kick myself right now out of the irony of it all.
He was very smart, well-read, well-travelled, and aware of my desire to have my mind and my horizons expanded, he devised 'well-read' book lists and influential movie lists for me, to give me an idea of what I should be reading and watching. I used to love how he would challenge me and force me to think outside the box. I truly credit him with influencing me into becoming the person I am today and I wouldn't be half the person I am, if it were not for him.
Just a few short months after we connected, he took a trip to Antarctica. When he returned he told me that he usually doesn't mind not being able to communicate or be communicated with - hell, he even relished it - but for some reason he didn't like not being able to get in touch with me. We hadn't even spoken on the phone or seen one another at this point. The first time he disappeared was shortly after I sent him a picture of myself for the first time. This apparently sparked something in him and I didn't hear from him for months.
I don't think I ever told him the effect that that initial loss of his presence had on me, even back then. In the end it never mattered what I chose to tell him or what I chose to keep to myself because he always had the uncanny ability to see straight through me anyway. I once told him that someone on my degree course had described me as 'mysterious' and it wasn't the first time I'd been called that. He simply laughed and said, "No you're not"
I never really tried to define or label our relationship. He was never 'just' anything to me; he was never 'just' a friend or boyfriend. He was equal parts mentor, teacher, best friend, boyfriend and... something else to me. And even then the term 'boyfriend' never quite cut it. It never seemed quite the right word to describe what he was to me. There just didn't seem to be one. 'Boyfriend' always seemed a bit disrespectful, trivial even. Even after we made our romantic feelings known, I very rarely, if ever, referred to him as my boyfriend. I wonder if he ever noticed?
He used the term to refer to himself a few times, so I guess he never got that memo.
He once even told me that he had feelings for me that he couldn't really define and described it as 'misplaced paternalism', which is strange because twin flame love is a lot like parental love, in the sense that it is completely and utterly unconditional; it is only societal conditioning and baggage accumulated via life experience that stops it from flowing freely.
When he eventually returned, it didn't matter to me where he'd been, what he'd been up to or who with. I was just over the moon that he was back in my life. He told me that seeing me for the first time had caused him to think of me too often, and it was too much and he needed to take a breather. I begged him not to disappear again and he promised not to.
However a few years later, he got a job in Singapore and that's exactly what happened. I didn't want him to take the job because I knew the time difference was just too great for effective and regular communication and low and behold, he disappeared again. And once again, the moment he reappeared, I embraced him with open arms, just happy for his presence in my life. He told me he'd thought about never contacting me again, but the feelings he had for me were too strong not to.
If anything, our relationship grew stronger and our feelings even deeper with each disappearing act. It was shortly after the second disappearing act that we went from tip-toeing around a romantic relationship to actually being in a romantic relationship. The strange thing is we never even really had a day where we became an official couple. People would ask us how long we'd been together and we couldn't give them an answer. It seemed as though we had been together all along and were only just then getting the chance to actually express it. Even then, there were still obstacles to overcome.
Being in a long-term, long distance relationship in and of itself was never an actual issue for me. With that said, once we'd established that we had real feelings for each other, that's when I really started to crave physical interaction with him. I became a huge pain around this time and I commend him for being so patient with me. I wanted to know what it felt like to be in his physical presence, to know what his lips felt like pressed against mine; to know what his natural smell was, what the texture of his hair felt like and to know the sound of his voice when not through a telephone, and yes, I wanted physical intimacy with him. I didn't want those things because 'society' says I need to in order to have a 'valid' relationship. I wanted to experience those things for me. In my own mind, our relationship was just as valid and deserving of respect as if we had met under more conventional, socially acceptable circumstances.
We didn't actually physically meet until almost two years later. I booked a flight over to see him when I knew we had a window of opportunity and we spent the most amazing week together. We didn't even do very much, because we didn't need to. Even simple things like grocery shopping or watching a movie together on the couch, things that most other people take for granted, were suddenly exciting experiences just because it was with each other.
So you can imagine, when I jetted off to start our lives together in March 2015, I had every intention of squeezing every last solitary drop of experience out of my time with him. But as the saying goes, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."
Looking back, I sometimes can't even bear to look at pictures of myself before that time because I just want to reach out to the poor, innocent, unsuspecting woman in the photograph and go
No comments:
Post a Comment