I somehow found myself unexpectedly dating a guy at work. On paper, he was ideal boyfriend material; attractive, had a good job and seemed like a nice person but it puzzled me how we had gotten together in the first place as I hadn't pursued him and it seemed as though we had virtually nothing of substance in common; he seemed really down to earth and I felt as though I would have to stifle my quirky tendencies around him.
Also, there were far prettier women than me that were attracted to him, who seemed as though they'd be more on his wavelength, but for whatever reason, he'd picked me.
My colleagues started treating me differently and with more respect, as the guy was in a position of some authority and since there was no 'real' reason for me not to like him, I found myself going along with the whole thing in spite of my doubts.
I experienced a brief moment of a jet-set lifestyle as I flew to a nondescript store in the USA to browse art supplies. My littlest toddler nephew was holding onto my hand as we left the store and as we did so, a sense of peace washed over me as if I had suddenly 'come home.' My memory was suddenly triggered and I remembered I had a True Love and that I was supposed to be here with him.
I realised my life at home was not authentic to who I truly was and found myself finding excuses not to leave. I muttered to my nephew that I should drive us to the beach but I knew I was just prolonging the inevitable. I had to face up to the situation some time.
To my dismay, I came home to find out that my boyfriend had booked us a weekend away and had bragged about all the sexual things he was going to do with me whilst there to everyone at work and suddenly all the prestige and fanfare that came with being the girlfriend of a popular, lusted after guy in the workplace that had seemed somewhat appealing at first, became repulsive to me. Besides, we still barely even knew each other and I couldn't even recall one unique quality about him that set him apart from any other attractive man I'd met. It became apparent that his attraction to me was highly superficial.
I couldn't go through the motions of a relationship just to please other people so I had to break up with him regardless of whether others would understand my reasons for doing so. I started to cry because I couldn't believe how disconnected I felt towards my surroundings.
Tuesday 27 September 2016
Sunday 11 September 2016
Dream Diary #110: Going Underground
I had relocated to another country in order to work and study. After trying to organise my working life around the people I didn't like, it was time to organise sleeping arrangements in the dormitories. Apparently, I had to live with the people I was working with and it turned out that my bed was situated right next to the fridge and dining area and I thought of how inconvenient that would be for me trying to sleep and relax with a constant stream of people coming back and forth to eat and prepare food nearby.
However, I didn't give it too much thought as there were other, more important things on my mind. I was now living in the same town as my Love, or the town I'd last known him to be living in (I know he moves around a lot) and even though we hadn't been in contact and I had no idea if he'd like to be, all I could think about was going to see him. There was just one problem; I didn't know where he was!
I hadn't even unpacked any of my clothes, so I had to improvise and decided that I would just wander about the town in the hope of bumping into him. Our paths were bound to cross eventually, right?
It turned out I was in luck as someone recognised me from living there before and she approached me and asked, "You're looking for him aren't you?"
I nodded and she led me to an underground 'Hobbit'-style cave. I went inside and found my Love asleep in bed, even though it was daylight outside. I suspected he had gone to bed after working through the night, so I just sat quietly in a chair and waited for him to wake up.
When he woke, he wasn't exactly jumping for joy to see me but he wasn't overly surprised either - almost like he'd been expecting me to be there.
We had a lot of catching up to do, but perhaps the most surprising thing of all was that, in our hiatus, he had taken up photography as a hobby (which is weird because he doesn't like photographs) but he preferred to use a polaroid camera instead of a digital one and took time to show me each snapshot that he'd taken.
In another (brief) part of my dream, it seemed as though we had joined forces again as I have cut my thumb in real-life, but I dreamt that the government were after me because I had a vial of my blood and they wanted it for some reason. My Love was helping me to hide it, which was no easy task seeing as though the house we were in was completely empty with no furniture at all.
We managed to disguise it sufficiently under a pile of rags just as the government were banging on the door. He took my hand and told me not to worry because he'd protect me.
However, I didn't give it too much thought as there were other, more important things on my mind. I was now living in the same town as my Love, or the town I'd last known him to be living in (I know he moves around a lot) and even though we hadn't been in contact and I had no idea if he'd like to be, all I could think about was going to see him. There was just one problem; I didn't know where he was!
I hadn't even unpacked any of my clothes, so I had to improvise and decided that I would just wander about the town in the hope of bumping into him. Our paths were bound to cross eventually, right?
It turned out I was in luck as someone recognised me from living there before and she approached me and asked, "You're looking for him aren't you?"
I nodded and she led me to an underground 'Hobbit'-style cave. I went inside and found my Love asleep in bed, even though it was daylight outside. I suspected he had gone to bed after working through the night, so I just sat quietly in a chair and waited for him to wake up.
When he woke, he wasn't exactly jumping for joy to see me but he wasn't overly surprised either - almost like he'd been expecting me to be there.
We had a lot of catching up to do, but perhaps the most surprising thing of all was that, in our hiatus, he had taken up photography as a hobby (which is weird because he doesn't like photographs) but he preferred to use a polaroid camera instead of a digital one and took time to show me each snapshot that he'd taken.
In another (brief) part of my dream, it seemed as though we had joined forces again as I have cut my thumb in real-life, but I dreamt that the government were after me because I had a vial of my blood and they wanted it for some reason. My Love was helping me to hide it, which was no easy task seeing as though the house we were in was completely empty with no furniture at all.
We managed to disguise it sufficiently under a pile of rags just as the government were banging on the door. He took my hand and told me not to worry because he'd protect me.
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