Operation Guiding Light: Trust Fall

(Chronologically this chapter takes place directly before 'Touched by an Angel')

Nico had already re-boarded the Manifest Destiny by the time Zoe and I check out of our hotel room. Nico had already re-boarded the Manifest Destiny by the time Zoe and I check out of our hotel room. Part of me is relieved that I don't have to face him but when Zoe remarks that it's out of character for Nico not to wait, panic sets in. Does he feel weird about last night, too? Or had he just seen through my facade, after all? Either way, when Zoe and I part ways, I'm more than ready to scurry back to my room and hide.

Once inside, I lean back against the door, close my eyes and heave out a deep sigh before I make a hasty beeline for the shower.

It's only when I'm safely contained inside the walls of my tiny shower cubicle, I finally allow myself to process the previous night's events.

I can't believe I slept with Nico. Even as I think the words to myself, it doesn't seem real. My girlfriends back home assured me that I would feel completely different once I finally did 'the deed', but the thing is, I'm not sure that I do? (Unless you count the knot in my stomach and the nagging dread that I've just ruined Nico and I's friendship, irrevocably). And he wants to see me again. But, how can I do that when I'm not even sure how, or what, I feel about him? In last night's alcohol induced haze I'd convinced myself I felt something, but now, out in the cold (and ever so slightly hungover) light of day, I just wanted him to be my friend again.

That meant only one thing; I was going to have to speak to him.

And, as if all of that wasn't bad enough, I still -still- couldn't stop thinking about Gabriel. I didn't even know if he'd re-boarded yet. What if he'd chosen to stay with Sophia for a while? And what if he found out about me and Nico? My stomach twists even tighter at the thought. Sure, Nico and I had agreed to keep what'd happened between us, but what if he lets it slip accidentally? I lean back against the wall, my tears indistinguishable from the stream of water bearing down on me.

--

As the Manifest Destiny hums back to into orbit, I watch Lunarecco slowly fade from view in my little porthole until it's just another tiny speck in the vast universe.

I draw my knees up to my chest, rest my chin on top of them.

Having distance between myself and the 'scene of the crime' as it were, provides some relief from my anxieties but it still didn't change the fact that I'm now stuck on a spaceship and can't avoid Nico, or Gabriel, forever.

I bury my face into my knees, sighing in frustration. Is it bad that I'm dreading my first interaction with Gabriel, more than confronting Nico? What did that mean? I knew I would have to face them both eventually. Just not today.

I'm still just a guest here aboard the Manifest Destiny and have no official job role or obligation to fulfil so I was really hoping that no-one was expecting me anywhere.

The idea of being cooped up inside my tiny room all day, though, fills me with pre-emptive cabin fever. I try to stave off the feeling by writing in my journal but the pen just hovers above the pages, my chaotic mind unable to form a coherent thought. 

And then, another thought occurs to me; what if Nico decides to come by my room to check on me? Is that why he boarded early, so he could seek me out in private, later?

It's enough to motivate me to snap my journal shut, gather up the gym clothes I wore last night and take a trip down to the laundry room.

I keep a vigilant eye open as I navigate the corridors, breathing a silent sigh of relief to myself that neither Gabriel nor Nico had decided to do a mid-shift load of laundry. Only a couple of non-humanoids are quietly occupying the room when I get there. I acknowledge them with a faint nod, unsure if we speak the same language.

With the threat of Nico stopping by paired with the feeling of pre-emptive cabin fever still hanging over me, I impulsively decide to take a detour on the way back to my room.

Instinctively, I wrap my arms around myself as I tentatively step under the glass dome of the Observation Deck, into and under the cool, silvery light of the cosmos.

The only other person I'd ever encountered here was Gabriel, so it seemed like a safe place to lay low for a while.

I slowly pad over to the benches aligning the far wall, the stars stretching out endlessly above and around me, as the first real wave of homesickness since I got here comes crashing down over me, pulling me down in the undertow.

Suddenly, and with an almost ferocious intensity, I realize how much I miss my dad and his dorky look of concentration as he tries to figure out the crossword puzzle at the dining room table. I miss bringing him and Nancy cups of herbal tea before I go to bed. I hadn't always been very accepting of Nancy as my dad's new partner but I still remember the expression on her face the first time I made both her and dad tea, the surprise and gratitude as she realized I was making an effort to include her. I miss Jezebel and how she'd come over to our house in the mornings sometimes to make protein shakes in preparation for a busy day of rehearsals and training and how she'd talk my ear off as she warms up beside me at the barre. I even miss Tiger's teasing and incessant sketching. I miss sleeping in the soft, marshmallowy goodness of my princess bed and watching my fish swim round in their tank before I fall asleep. But, perhaps most intensely of all, I miss my mom and wish that she were here with me now so that maybe she can help me make sense of the mess I've made and how I was going to fix it.

I glance up at my reflection in the glass and realize that I'm crying.

My dance sweater is in the process of being laundered so in the absence of sleeves, I swipe at my tears with the back of my hand but it's no use; they just keep on falling.

I've lost count of the number of times throughout my life I've been told I look like my father and the paternal side of my family. There are some glaring exceptions though, when the opposite is true. And it's usually when I'm upset like I am now when it's most noticeable, which says a lot about how displaced and alone my mom must have felt on Earth, at times. As I sink down onto a bench and draw my knees up to my chest, I stare bleary eyed into the void, through my reflection and I note how I look just like her in the days and weeks leading up to her death, when she knew that the Draco were closing in; sad, numb, afraid.

Mama, if you're there, if you can hear me... send me a sign, let me know that everything will be-

-"What, no dancing today, dancing girl?"

My head does a one-eighty degree spin.

"Gabriel!" His name comes tumbling out of my mouth.

I'd been so distracted, I didn't notice his form slowly materializing behind me in the glass.

Immediately, I notice he's not in uniform. He's dressed casually, but in different clothes to the ones he went to go meet Sophia in. He's leaning against the wall where the entryway to the Observation Deck meets the corridor, with his arms folded across his chest, a soft smile adorning his face.

"I thought you were working?" I blurt, desperately trying to disguise the fact that my heart feels like it's trying to escape my chest.

"I took a personal day." He shrugs.

"Oh." I laugh nervously, delicately dabbing at my eyes with my fingertips, hoping he hasn't noticed the tears.

Too late. "Are you alright?" He asks, standing up straight, eyes narrowing.

"I'm... fine." I force a smile I don't feel.

"You don't look fine." He starts moving across the room towards me.

"No, I am." I insist, "Just a little homesick, I guess." It's partially true.

"Is there anything I can do?" He asks, settling down on the bench next to me.

"Being here helps."

"Ah." He smiles, sitting forward, elbows on knees.

"How was your date?" I ask, kicking myself internally. I'm eager to change the subject but I really, really, really don't want want to hear about how his date with Sophia went. (Well, I do, but I don't).

"It was... alright."

Just 'alright'?

"Also, it wasn't really a 'date'."

I clutch my knees a little tighter, unsure what to think, how to feel. "It wasn't?"

"No," he shakes his head with a laugh, "See, I owed Sophia a favor from a long time ago, so I was just repaying an old debt." 

He leans back against the glass, putting his hands behind his head, eyes scanning the stars above us, "To tell you the truth, I would've preferred to have just paid her credits for the trouble but she insisted I take her out to dinner one final time instead. I wasn't particularly happy about it but I just wanted to finally tie up a loose end."

I can't help but notice how much softer and unguarded he seems, like the Gabriel I met when I first arrived on the Manifest Destiny. Not the prickly, standoffish Gabriel he gradually became after.

"Wow," I smile through unshed tears.

"What?" He casts a curious glance in my direction.

I nudge him on the thigh with my foot. "It sounds like she's still in love with you."

"Oh yeah?" He laughs, "How do you figure that?"

"Because," I shake my head, laughing softly. Guys can be so oblivious sometimes. "If I were in love with a guy and I felt like I was losing him, that would be something I would do to keep him close."

He contemplates my words for a moment. "You could be right," he concedes with another laugh, "but, don't worry, there hasn't been anything from my side, not for a long time."

At that, my brow furrows. Worry? Why does he think I'd be worried? (I mean, I was -am-, but what makes him think that?)

Before I can ask, a rogue shiver flutters up my spine causing me to gasp sharply and grab my knees even tighter.

Gabriel immediately sits up, "Look at you, you're shaking," he says softly, shrugging off the navy blue hoodie he's wearing, draping it over my shoulders.

"Wait, won't you be cold?" I ask, noting his bare arms, the way his white t-shirt both clings to and hangs from his frame.

"Nah."

I tense up as his fingertips linger on my upper arms, probably longer than necessary before he retreats back to his side of the bench.

"Thanks," I say, gratefully gripping the edges of the hoodie tighter over my shoulders.

I glance over, searching his expression, desperate to know what he's thinking. He just looks calm, serene, as if he's been suffocating and now he can breathe freely again.

"You know, I was hoping I would find you here."

My eyebrows arch. "You were? Why?" I swear my voice jumps an octave."I wanted to apologize," he leans forward, eyes directed back up at the stars, "for the way I've been acting lately."

"I know you have a lot on your shoulders-"

His head starts shaking before I can finish, "That's no excuse," he says firmly, "besides, that's not what's been bothering me." He directs his gaze back at me.

It's a good job my knees are covering my chest otherwise he might hear my heart battering against it. "What's been bothering you?"

A small, knowing grin creeps across his face as if he's guarding a secret he's been dying to tell me, but couldn't. Until now.

"You."

For a moment, I forget how to breathe. The galaxy starts to spin and close in around us, until it's only him and me. And then, the deep brown warmth of his eyes are searching the icy blue of mine.

"Mist..?"

He's so beautiful, I can't take it.

"Talk to me... say something."

A gasping sob bubbles to the surface before I can stop it and I drop my head to my knees to try to muffle the sound. I can feel my hair draping around me like a curtain. I am such an idiot.

"Please, don't look at me like that, please."

"Why not?" He slides closer.

"Because," I whisper, "I'm afraid."

"Afraid? Of what? Me?"

I look up, shake my head. "I'm afraid that when you find out what I've done, you'll never look at me that way again."

Now his brow furrows. "What happened, Mist? Whatever it is, you can tell me."

Then, he does the worst possible thing he could've done in that moment; he reaches up and strokes my cheek, dragging his thumb through the tears I couldn't manage to hold in.

"Don't," I whisper, even as I lean into his touch.

He doesn't pull his hand away. "I know it probably hasn't seemed like it lately but, I care about you," his voice is soft, husky, "I care about you a lot."

I bite the inside of my lip, gazing intently at him, trying desperately to memorize his face one final time before I change his perception of me, forever.

It's no use; I'm never going to get out what I need to say with him looking at me like that. I take a deep breath, "Could you not... look at me for a minute?"

He quirks an eyebow, hand freezing on my cheek.

"Please?"

"Alright." He looks confused but obliges, turning away from me on the bench.

I sit up, planting my feet firmly on the shiny floor, reaching for the edges of his hoodie again, his scent emanating from the fabric.

"Gabriel, I-" I swallow, hard.

"I slept with Nico last night."

I know I should wait for his reaction, feel the full weight behind the consequences of my actions but instead, I keep going.

"I didn't plan for it to happen... Nico, Zoe and I, we went out... and Nico noticed I was sad so he asked me what was wrong and invited me to dance, then while we were dancing, he kept saying all these nice things, things that I wanted so badly to hear..." I let out a deep sigh, "He told me he'd always liked me, ever since I arrived here, and I don't know, I guess in the moment I convinced myself that I liked him too-"

"-Do you like him?" He interjects.

I dare to steal a quick glance at him but he's still facing away from me so I can't read his expression.

I shake my head, "Not like that, no." I cast my eyes to the floor, grasping at his hoodie like a shield, "In fact, I think I... like someone else."

It feels like time both stands still and an eternity passes in seconds simultaneously before he asks the inevitable question:

"...Who?"

I can see his shoulder tense as he braces himself for the answer.

I let out a humorless laugh, blinking back tears at the bitter irony of what I'm about to say:

"You."

The silence that follows is palpable, but it's funny how, despite everything, I feel a massive wave of relief, like the weight of the universe lifting off my shoulders. At least now the truth was out in the open. I'd thrown the chips, now let them fall where they may.

"Mist..?"

"...Y-yeah?"

"What were you sad about?"

"Sad?"

"Nico... you said he noticed you were sad. About what?"

I glance down at my hands, fidget with my charm bracelet. "You," I tell him, "and Sophia."

I reach up and brush my hair behind my ears with my fingertips, "I thought that, you and her, were maybe getting back together..." I add with a sniffle, "and I know I have no right to feel this way - I haven't known you that long, or even know you that well, but - I don't know, something inside me just felt... broken."

At that, Gabriel lets out a deep sigh and drops his head into his hands as if he's also replaying the events leading up to last night in his head from his perspective. His back is still turned so I can't tell if he's angry, processing or just trying to steady himself.

"I should've said something sooner..." he says finally, with a long exhale.

I glance at him again, "Gabriel, no."

"I knew how he felt about you... but I never thought that he-"

"Gabriel-"

"-No, I mean it." He insists, turning to face me fully, "If I had spoken up as soon as I realised how I felt about you, you might not have felt the need to turn to him."

I shake my head, laughing softly. "You're not responsible for mine or Nico's actions," without thinking, I instinctively reach for his hand, "I didn't have to do what I did, it just felt like the right thing at the time. Turns out, it wasn't."

"Have you spoken to him?"

"Not yet, no."

That's when I look down at our hands and realize that Gabriel has threaded his fingers through mine.

Tentatively, I let my gaze trace upwards from our hands and towards his face, not knowing what I'll see when I get there.

My breath catches when our eyes lock and not only is his expression the same as it was before... it's different. Good different.

His mouth curves into a smile. I can't help myself; I smile back.

"So," he says, gripping my hand even tighter, "am I crazy, or did we both just admit to having feelings for each other?"

"You're not crazy," I laugh through glassy, happy tears.

"Thank Gods," he whispers, leaning in until our foreheads are touching.

We sit like that for what feels like hours, eyes and fingers interlocked, but was in reality likely only a few seconds. It's hard to tell; time is so weird up here.

He's so close I can feel and taste the intoxicating scent of his warm breath on my mouth.

He shifts, lips parting, and for a split second I think he's going to kiss me.

Instead, just as I'm about to lean in, he whispers, "You say you don't know me all that well... how about we remedy that?"

His words snap me out of my trance. "What?"

He gestures to the viewport, "You know what we need? We need to change the scenery!" He declares with the confidence of an overexcited child. I don't think I've ever seen him like this.

He rises to his feet, "Let's get out of here."

Confused, I glance over my shoulder, "But, how? We're in the middle of outer space!"

When I turn around he's hovering over me, one hand on his hip, the other rubbing his chin as if mulling something over. He glances at me, out at the stars, then at me again.

"Could you do me a favor and not look at me for a minute?"

My eyebrow arches. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Okay, now you sound crazy."

"You want us to get to know each other better, don't you?" He persists, backing up until he's at the center of the room. I can see him eyeing up the walls and ceiling like he's trying to calculate something.

"How does that help me get to know you?"

"Close your eyes and you'll find out."

I try to stare him down from across the room but he's having none of it.

"Come on, Mist, I did it for you?"

I sigh, "Alright, you win," I tell him, threading my arms through the sleeves of his hoodie and freeing my hair from under the hood, "although, in the interest of getting to know one another better, I feel you should know that I hate surprises."

"Think of it more as a trust exercise."

I take a deep breath, place my hands neatly in my lap, close my eyes. "Okay."

"Ready?"

"Ready."

For the next few seconds nothing happens and I start to worry that this is Gabriel's way of playing some sort of strange prank on me? I open my mouth to try to speak when I hear what I can only describe as a parachute deploying followed by a soft, feathery breeze blowing across the room? But how could it be when we're in airtight room surrounded by vast, empty space, no weather or climate to speak of?

"Gabriel..?"

"One more second."

Impatiently, I scrunch my eyes together even tighter and make a mental note to myself to remember to add 'trust exercises' to the list of things I hate.

I hear him take a deep breath. "Alright... open your eyes."

I do.

It takes a good minute for my brain to register what I'm looking at, but when it does, if there wasn't a wall of glass behind me, I might've fallen backwards off the bench in shock. My trembling hands leave my lap to cover my mouth in a futile attempt to try to hide the sharp, audible, high-pitched gasp that escapes my throat.

"Gabriel... you're a... you're a... a..."

The word reaches the tip of my tongue and stays there. I don't know what I was expecting but out of all the wonderous, otherworldly, amazing things I've seen and experienced since I was brought to the celestial world nothing, I mean nothing, prepared me for this.

"You're an angel."

Gabriel's standing before me, same as he was before I closed my eyes, only now with two huge, pearly iridescent white wings, protruding from his back. I can't stop staring, it's all just too surreal. And yet, not. All this time I've known him, I knew that he reminded me of something but could never quite put my finger on what. Now I know.

He glances over his shoulders in turn and gives each wing a quick flex before turning back to me, "So it would seem," he says with a wry grin. His wings shimmer with silvery light at the movement.

Then, his expression turns uncertain, almost shy, "This doesn't change anything... does it?"

Oh, Gabriel.

I spring to my feet and quickly sprint over to him, eager to show that I'm not frightened or put off.

I throw my arms around him, no hesitation, pulling myself in tight, resting my head against his chest. His heart is racing.

Gabriel's arms hover in the air for a moment before he slowly wraps them around me; one hand on the small of my back, the other cradling my head.

"Nothing's changed." I reassure him, softly.

I can feel the tension leaving his body, as he lowers his cheek into my hair and my mouth curves into a smile.

It was only last night that I thought that Gabriel didn't even care that I existed and now, here we are, holding onto to each other as if we're the only two beings left in the universe.

"Gabriel..?"

"Yeah?"

"Am I dreaming?"

"If you are, then so am I." He whispers into my hair, pulling me in tighter. He curls his wings around us, like a feathery cocoon.

I let my cheek linger against his heartbeat for just a few more glorious moments before I lift my head to slowly meet his gaze.

"So-"

"-So." We both say in unison.

Then we both laugh.

The inevitable question lingers unspoken in the air between us: what now?

Gabriel's fingers are lightly caressing the nape of my neck as his laughter fades and his expression turns intense as if he's studying every detail of my face. My own laughter fades, my breath catching. I can see his eyes flicker back and forth to my lips. He wants to kiss me.

I cast my glance to his own lips as he whispers, "Come on, let's go."

My hearts sinks. "Go? Go where?" I ask.

He grins, taking my hand. "A guided tour of the galaxy."

--

Gabriel temporarily retracts his wings while he leads me to the transporter bay, where he strategically places me in the center of the room in front of the hatch in the floor where I was first beamed up here what feels like another lifetime ago.

"Won't Solaris be mad when he realizes we're gone?" I ask as he crosses the room to punch a code into the keypad on the wall.

"He hasn't caught me yet." He says, the hatch in the floor rotating and opening with a loud, mechanical whirr.

"You've done this before?"

"Many times."

"How will we make it back?"

"I plot the co-ordinates for this ship every day, I know where she'll be," He takes his place next to me, threading his fingers through mine again, "Trust me."

He closes his eyes and I watch in amazement as his wings materialise like a hologram from between his shoulderblades. Once they're fully extended, he looks over at me, "You ready?"

I glance nervously at the opening in the floor. There's no ground, no buildings, not even any stars visible from this angle to orient yourself; just an endless void of black.

I gasp, take a step back, grabbing his arm with my free hand.

"Gabriel, I'm scared!" I bury my head into his shoulder, squinting my eyes shut in fear.

"It's alright," his voice is soft, "You're safe with me, Mist," he reaches up, brushing away the hair covering my face, "I won't let anything happen to you."

I open my eyes and dare to peek up at him. "You promise you won't let go?"

"I promise."

I allow him to guide my trembling form until we're back to chest.

"It's just a trust exercise, remember?" He whispers against my cheek.

"Not helping!" I laugh, shakily.

All things considered, I'm actually proud that I'm not having a full-blown panic attack right now. I am, however, questioning every single choice I've made in life that led up to this moment.

He wraps one arm around me, palm splayed wide across my stomach. He then threads his fingers through mine with his other hand; a pose that was incredibly familiar to me as a ballerina.

I see the shadow of his wings reflecting on the wall as he lifts them and feel my body straining against his arm as he slowly leans us forward, my knuckles turning white, as I stare out into the endless black stretching out before us.

Everything goes silent until all I hear is my own heartbeat thudding in my ears, the feeling of solid floor vanishing from underneath my feet.

Cool, static-charged air rushes over the exposed skin on my legs and face. Suddenly I'm ten years old again, floating underwater in my Grandmother's pool, holding my breath, the sounds of the surface world reduced to background noise, muffled and distant.

It feels... peaceful.

Free from the metallic walls of the Manifest Destiny, the full beauty and splendor of the cosmos reveals itself. Millions of glowing stars and swirling nebulae in vivid neon violets and blues display themselves before us, making me thankful I fought the instinctive urge to close my eyes; I wouldn't have wanted to miss even a second of this for the world.

My hair fans out, some strands floating upwards, others pulling downwards or off to the side. With no reference point it was impossible to tell if we were upside down, right-side up or sideways. I glance over my shoulder at Gabriel whose hair is doing the same as mine, the nebulae casting colorful swirls across his face making him appear even more ethereal.

I turn forwards again, "Oh Gabriel, I've never seen anything like this, it's breathtaking!" The words come out distorted like trying to speak through water or from behind glass.

He let out a deep laugh, "Yeah," he agrees. He leans in so that his lips brush against my ear, "It's beautiful." 

But when I turn to look at him, he isn't looking at the stars; he's looking at me.

--

When I think back to my Earth life and all the nights I spent stargazing from my bed or the parking lot after late night rehearsals, it's crazy to think I never knew that, as a half-celestial, I had the innate ability to breathe in outer space, unaided, the whole time.

Gabriel flies us to a passing satellite orbiting a nearby planet. He lands first, bracing his feet before gently guiding me down.

"Careful." He warns.

I shuffle down the panels with small steps. 

Throughout my career, I've dedicated huge swathes of my time trying not to fall, or when it can't be avoided, falling with grace — but I underestimate how slippery the surface of the satellite actually is. My foot slides out from under me and I go careening straight into him.

Gabriel catches me effortlessly, one strong arm wrapping around my waist as he pulls me against his chest with an amused chuckle.

I feel my cheeks burn with embarrassment. Mortified, I try to pull away quickly, "Sorry- I didn’t mean to-"

"-It's okay," Gabriel says softly, refusing to let me retreat. His other hand comes up to cup the side of my face, thumb gently brushing my flushed cheek. "I’ve got you."

He gestures to the edge, urging me to sit.

For a while we just sit like that in silence, side-by-side on the wing of the satellite content to enjoy the view and each other's company. 

"Look!" I say, pointing to the flashing lights under the swirling cloud cover of the planet rotating beneath our feet.

"It's storming." He says. 

"Wow," I whisper to myself, leaning back on the palms of my hands. 

I glance over at Gabriel. He seems almost childlike with his arms folded atop a drawn up knee. What I wouldn't give for him to reach over right now and put an arm around me.

"So," I begin, kicking my feet, "I have questions."

He smiles and turns to me, resting his head in his hand, "What do you want to know?"

I flash him my most flirtatious smile, "Is this a date?"

His smile extends into a grin, "You'll know when it's date," he says, nudging my foot with his, "I won't leave you in suspense."

Noted. 

"Are you actually twenty-two? Or are you really hundreds or thousands of years old and just look twenty-two?" 

"Believe it or not, I actually am twenty-two," he says, leaning back on his elbows, "The average life-span of a celestial is longer than a human's, so I'll age slower, but I'm not immortal if that's what's you're wondering."

"Does that mean I'll age slower, too?"

He pauses. "I guess it depends on which side of your heritage is dominant."

I ponder the implications of what he's saying for a moment. Aging into an old woman while my significant other stays young and handsome is an alarming thought but then I think of all my loved ones back on Earth and the thought of outliving the people I care about, watching them grow old and die around me is equally as terrifying. It's depressing, either way.

I decide to steer the conversation to something more light-hearted instead.

"Can I..?" I ask, gesturing towards his wings. 

"Sure. Go ahead." He holds up a wing with a sweeping motion for me to touch. 

With the way they materialized out of his back like a hologram, I'm half expecting my hand to go straight through - instead my palm grazes the very real, tangible, soft, silky downiness with reverence. 

A quick glance over his shoulder also reveals that his wings have not torn through his shirt.

I've come to learn throughout my time in the celestial realm that the line between science and magic is extremely thin - indistinguishable even - so I don't question the physics of it all. 

"Gabriel, they're beautiful," I tell him, "Thank you for sharing them with me."

"You're welcome."

We sit in comfortable silence for a moment before I ask the question that's been lingering in the back of my mind.

"Who else knows you're an angel?"

"Solaris and Morgana know, of course. The Guiding Light team. Zoe, Nico, Arti." He shrugs lightly. "As for anyone else? I'm not sure. I don't exactly hide it, but I don't lead with it either."

I hesitate, then ask the question I probably shouldn't.

"Did Sophia know?"

Gabriel goes still. For a second I regret asking - his expression shifts from relaxed to something more guarded, almost weary. He exhales slowly through his nose, looking out at the planet's swirling clouds below us before answering.

"Yeah," he says quietly. "She knew."

"Oh."

Seeing my unease, he leans in, "You know, you're still part of a very exclusive club," he looks me in the eye, "You're the only Earth citizen I've ever shared this part of myself with." 

His words make me smile, but my happiness is short-lived when another question I'm not sure I should ask bubbles to the surface.

"Does it... bother you that I've been with Nico?"

Gabriel retreats, turning his focus back to the planet beneath us. It takes a moment before he answers, "Does it bother me?" He reaches up, running a hand through his hair, "Well, of course it bothers me." 

I feel my heart sink; I glance down at my dangling feet, fighting the urge to cry. 

Then he continues, "But if what you're really asking is, does it change how I feel about you or make me not want to be with you?" He lifts my chin with his thumb and forefinger, forcing me to look at him, "Then, no."

He looks at me with the same soft, calming expression as when we admitted our feelings to one another back on the ship, "My jealousy over you with other guys is not your problem."

"There aren't any 'other guys'," the words come out like a confession. I don't even know why I say it; it's like his natural warmth and energy make me feel like I can tell him anything.

Gabriel's gaze narrows, eyebrows knitting together. 

"There's only been Nico."

"You mean-?"

"-Yeah." I admit, averting my gaze. 

A strategically timed flash of lightning from below illuminates his face. 

"Wow," he exhales, falling back on his elbows. 

I can't tell if he's reacting to the lightning or my admission that Nico was my first. 

I'm not really sure what compels me to say what I say next. The words just slip out before I can stop them.

"It almost happened once before, you know."

Why am I telling him this? I’ve never told anyone. Not even Jezebel.

I attempt to tuck an unruly lock of hair behind my ear, but my fingers are trembling slightly. I settle for fidgeting with the sleeves of Gabriel’s hoodie instead, inhaling his scent that clings to the fabric like a safety blanket.

"Oh yeah?" Gabriel asks, his voice gentle.

"It was about three years ago," I begin, my throat tightening. God, why does this still feel so raw? "My dad and Nancy had been friends for a while, but they waited until after I turned sixteen to tell me they were in a relationship, that they planned to get engaged and that Nancy, and Tiger, her son, would be moving in with us."

Saying it out loud makes my stomach twist, even now. I find myself fidgeting harder with the sleeves of Gabriel's hoodie, trying to ground myself. "I was devastated."

Gabriel sits up then, giving me his undivided attention. His focus feels heavy, but safe. Not judgmental. Just... present.

"See," I say, pointing to my temple, trying to sound more in control than I feel, "on an intellectual level I knew that my dad wasn't doing anything wrong by moving on, but in my heart it still felt like betrayal. I mean, how could he be happy with someone else when my mom was lying cold in her grave?" My voice cracks. I grip the edges of the satellite panel tightly, the cool metal biting into my palms. "He might’ve been ready to move on, but I was not."

Gabriel places his hand on top of mine. The warmth spreads through me, steadying the storm inside my chest.

"I started hanging out at my grandmother's more to avoid being at home," I continue. "That's when I met Jack, this really cute riding instructor. I used to go down to the stables almost every day, just to watch him ride."

I smile at the memory, in spite of myself.

"After about the third or fourth time I finally plucked up the courage to talk to him. He told me he was twenty-five and I panicked and told him I was eighteen, not wanting him to think I was just some stupid kid."

I glance sideways at Gabriel, searching his face for any flicker of judgment. There isn’t any. Just that same soft, patient look that makes me feel like I could tell him anything. 

"Things escalated pretty fast after that. He started giving me private lessons. We’d ride together, talk for hours afterward in the stables. He made me feel… seen. Special and normal at the same time." 

I can still smell the hay and leather, hear the horses shifting in their stalls.

"One evening, after a long ride, we were alone in the tack room. One thing led to another and…" I swallow hard, my voice dropping. "We were kissing. Really kissing. His hands were under my shirt and I remember thinking, this is it. I wanted it to happen. Or at least… I thought I did."

My heart was racing so fast I felt dizzy. Part of me was excited. Another part was screaming.

"But then I just… froze. All of a sudden I couldn’t breathe. I kept thinking about my mom. About my dad and Nancy, about how I was doing exactly what I hated them for. I felt so guilty."

I let out a shaky breath, staring out at the swirling clouds of the planet below us.

"I pushed him away and started crying. I couldn’t even explain why. Jack was confused, but he was… decent about it. He backed off immediately, kept asking if I was okay. I lied and said I was fine, that I just got scared."

I finally look at Gabriel. He’s watching me with that same soft, steady expression, but there’s something deeper in his eyes now - sadness, maybe even anger on behalf of that sixteen-year-old girl.

"I excused myself and ran all the way back to my grandmother's house without stopping. Later that night, I poured my heart out to Jack in a letter - told him everything; about dad and Nancy, how much I still missed my mom, how I felt like my life was changing beyond recognition and how powerless I felt to control it," I blink away a tear and watch it turn into a tiny bead, floating away into the cosmos, "I begged him to take me away, I didn't care where." 

I laugh, but there's no joy in it. It all sounds so stupid now. 

"What happened?" Gabriel asks, quietly.

"My dad found the letter and went ballistic before I had the chance to send it. He tracked Jack down and told him the truth about me. I don't know if he was fired or whether he left of his own accord after finding out he'd been inadvertently fooling around with a sixteen-year-old girl but I never saw him again."

I let out a deep sigh, "Sometimes... I still think of him and wonder if he hates me for lying and making him lose his job." 

Gabriel is quiet for a long moment. His hand is still on top of mine, warm and steady. When he finally speaks, his voice is low and careful, but there’s a protective edge to it that makes my chest tighten.

"He doesn’t hate you, Mist," he says firmly. "If he was a decent guy, he probably felt guilty for getting involved with someone so young. But that’s on him, not you. You were a grieving sixteen-year-old girl. He was the adult. He should have known better."

I glance at him, surprised by the quiet anger in his tone. His jaw is tight, and his eyes are focused on the planet below, as if he’s imagining confronting Jack himself.

"I hate that you went through that," he continues, his voice softening. "That you felt so lost you thought running away with him was your only option. You deserved so much better than that, Mist."

He turns to me then, his expression gentle but resolute, "I wish I could've been there for you."

"Me too," I agree, my eyes meeting his.

Then, as if the universe knew I had just bared my soul, the satellite tilts suddenly on its axis and I slide sideways into Gabriel, closing the inches between us, our thighs and shoulders pressing together. 

"Whoa there, horsey!" Gabriel reaches over, grabbing onto me to keep me from falling. 

His deliberate choice of words dispel any embarrassment or awkwardness I might've felt and instead of apologizing again, I laugh.

I look up, expecting him to laugh along with me but he instead lifts his arm, wrapping it firmly around my shoulder.  

My breath catches, laughter fading. Oh, how different that chapter of my life might've been if I'd have known Gabriel back then. 

Still, I guess everything that's happened to me has brought me here, I think to myself as I rest my head against his shoulder. Even the painful things.

"What happened between you and your dad? Did he ever apologize or acknowledge your feelings?" 

I nod slowly. "Yeah, he tried to talk to me more and made an effort to make sure we spent time alone together, just he and I, but... things never really went back to the way they were before, like when my mom was alive. Or before Nancy came along." 

"I'm sorry." 

The electrical storm continues to intensify beneath our feet. 

"Sorry for dumping my trauma on you," I say after a while, "I've never told anyone that before." 

"It's alright. That's why we came here, right?" He shrugs. "Besides," he adds, holding back a smile, "Kinda goes with the territory." He flexes a wing.

I sigh and close my eyes as I reach up, taking his hand, savoring the feel of his thumb brushing against mine.

"Gabriel?"

"Hm?"

"Tell me something about yourself; something personal that no-one else knows, something you've never told anyone." Not even Sophia.

He doesn't respond for a moment so I open my eyes, gazing upwards to gauge his expression. He looks deep in thought, if a little caught off-guard by my request.

"In the interest of 'getting to know one another better'," I remind him with a light nudge.

He lets out a laugh at my using his own words against him, "Alright, alright... fine."

I nestle in closer, ready to take in whatever he's willing to share.

Gabriel lets out a long, slow exhale, "Okay, here goes." His grip on my hand stiffens.

His words take a moment to land but when they do they hit like a needle scratching a record. 

"You've had sex more times than I have in the last two years."

I have to look up, to make sure I heard him correctly. Is he serious? The way he's nervously chewing the inside of his cheek tells me he is. 

"Don't get me wrong, I do have experience," He adds, quickly. 

He looks as though he's about to say something else but then he falters, turning to me, "Are you sure you want to hear this?" 

He knows me so well already. 

I nod. "It's okay," I reassure him. I have so many questions but I let him continue uninterrupted. 

"I don't know, after Sophia, I guess you could say my priorities changed and the idea of casual sex no longer interested me."

Well, that's a first. I've never heard a guy express disinterest in casual sex (or any sex, really) before. And yet, as strange as it sounds, and as much as I don't like to picture Gabriel being with other women, I believe it. He has the kind of looks that sent heads spinning in circles just by walking into a room. I know, because I'd seen it. 

I still remember how I felt when I saw Gabriel for the first time and how, even in my state of confusion and disorientation, he took my breath away. 

Sophia clearly still had feelings for him. The barmaid from Lunarecco (whom I know he has some sort of history with), could barely take her eyes off him (and me, just for being in close proximity with him). And those were just the ones being obvious about it. He could surely have had either of them, if he so wished. And yet, beyond taking Sophia to dinner to repay his debt to her, he paid them no mind whatsoever. 

"What changed do you think?"

He thinks for a moment, "I don't know, really. I guess I just wanted more than I getting. And more than I was capable of giving at the time. " 

"You started to question if they truly cared about you, or if they just wanted a piece of you?" I ask, softly. 

The expression on Gabriel's face tells me I haven't missed the mark. "Something like that." He agrees.

"I made a promise to myself," I can feel him move his hand closer to my face, letting his thumb gently brush over my cheek, "that I would be in love with the next woman I was with." 

I ponder the implications of his words for a moment. Did he see himself taking that leap with me? 

I glance up, studying his face. He seems relieved, as if grateful for being given the opportunity to discuss this side of himself. I would've given anything then to have leaned in and kissed him but something stops me from doing so. He'd held back from kissing me all evening despite clearly wanting to and I guess it made sense that he didn't want to engage in the activity that could lead to the act he's currently abstaining from. 

I still have so many questions but decide to keep them to myself for now, reasoning we don't have to have everything figured out tonight. I turn my attention back to the planet beneath us, noting that's it's been a while since there have been any flashes of lightning.

"It's stopped storming." I whisper.

"Yeah," he agrees, pulling me in tighter, draping a wing over my shoulder, "I think it has." 

--

The journey back to the Manifest Destiny feels like a dream.

Once safely aboard, Gabriel sets me back on my feet, retracts his wings and we walk hand-in-hand back to the Observation Deck to say goodnight.

Under the silvery blue light, I turn towards him, putting my hands in his, "Thank you for such a magical evening."

"Anytime." He says, smiling. 

"I guess this is goodnight then?" I smile back.

"Yeah, I guess it is." He nods, smile fading. 

With a goodnight kiss off the table for now I'm not really sure how to say good-bye. After everything we've shared, it feels wrong to just walk away. I briefly hesitate before I reach up and draw him into a hug, internally breathing a sigh of relief when he hugs me back. To be completely honest, I don't want the night to end yet and find myself trying to think of something, anything, to prolong our interaction but my mind draws a blank and I reluctantly pull away. 

"Mist?" 

"Yeah?" I ask, hopefully. 

He shakes his head, eyes dropping to the floor, "Never mind..."

I try not to let him see my disappointment.

"Okay then, well... see you." I say, giving his hands one final squeeze before I start to back away. 

I turn but don't get more than two steps before I can't go any further because Gabriel hasn't let go of my hand. 

Confused, I glance over my shoulder.

He looks down at our joined hands before allowing his gaze to travel upwards until our eyes meet again. 

To anyone else, the change in his expression from uncertain to calm resignation would be undetectable, but to me, who has spent all night memorizing his face, I notice it immediately. 

Before I can say anything, he pulls me towards him, making me gasp in surprise. 

He reaches up with his free hand, caressing my cheek with his palm. His eyes never leave mine as he leans in until our foreheads and the tip of our noses touch and I can taste his breath on my lips. 

He lets out a soft, breathy laugh as he lowers his lips to mine pausing only to reach around the back of my neck, guiding my lips to his the rest of the way.

If I had eternity I don't think I could find words adequate to describe how I felt the first time I kissed Gabriel Reska. 

The dopamine rush hits like champagne bubbles to my head. I can feel his hand slide upwards to the back of my head, threading his fingers through my hair, the other finding its way to the small of my back. My own hands slink around his neck, all the while our kiss growing deeper, harder, breathier. 

It isn't until I feel him pull me even closer, his tongue brushing mine, I come to my senses. 

"Wait..." I whisper against his lips.

"What's wrong?" Gabriel pulls back, looking a little drunken and dazed himself, "Do you want to stop?" He asks, breathless.

"No! It's just," I pause, swallowing, "what about your vow?" 

His eyebrow quirks, "What about it?" 

"Is this okay?" I ask, "Are you going to be okay?" 

Catching my drift he lets out a chuckle, before he rests his forehead against mine again, "Not your problem." He whispers, caressing my cheek with his thumb, "Besides," he grins, "That's what cold showers are for." 

--

We had lost all sense of time by the time Gabriel escorts me back to my room. 

Somehow we'd ended up against the wall of the Observation Deck, making out like a pair of lovesick teenagers under the silvery light of the cosmos for what felt like hours.

I could still feel the after-effects of our kisses in my knees with each step. 

"I guess it really is goodnight this time," I giggle as we reach my door.

Gabriel nods, "I guess it really is."

I suddenly remember that I'm still wearing his hoodie. "Oh," I say, shrugging it off and handing it back to him, "I won't be needing this anymore." 

He looks at it as if he, too, had forgotten all about it and wouldn't have minded if I'd held onto it. 

"Thanks."

I pause for a moment, just to take him in. "I meant what I said, you know," a giddy smile sweeping across my face, "about this night being magical. I'll remember it for the rest of my life." 

"Me too." Gabriel flashes me a grin, equally giddy.

Then he glances shyly at the floor for a moment, "Would you like to stop by my room after I finish tomorrow night?" 

My head cocks to the side in curiosity. 

He looks up. "In the interest of getting to know one another better?" 

"Yeah," I nod, barely supressing my smile, "I'd like that." 

He steps forward, planting one final, lingering kiss on my lips, "Sweet dreams, dancing girl." He whispers, lightly grazing my cheek with the palm of his hand. 

"You too." 

He starts to back away down the hallway and I lean back against my door, afraid that if I take my eyes off him, even for a moment, I'll wake up and the whole night would've been a dream.

--

The following morning, after the initial post-sleep amnesia wears off, the memories of last night hit me like falling dominoes.

Nico. Gabriel. Gabriel's confession. My confession. Gabriel's wings. Outer space. His vow. Our kiss. Meeting up tonight. 

Smiling, I turn on my stomach hugging my pillow. Did I mention our kiss? 

I swear the butterflies inside my stomach are doing pirouettes as I replay every moment in minute detail.

As I hum my way through my morning coffee, I mentally map out a loose schedule to keep the day from dragging - starting with a workout in the gym to burn off some of this energy.

I finish the last sip, set the mug down with a little flourish, and practically dance my way down the hallway toward the laundry room. My gym clothes are still in there, and I can’t help the mischievous thought that maybe - just maybe - I’ll 'accidentally' swing by the main cockpit toward the end of Gabriel’s shift. Nothing disruptive, of course. I’d be on my best behavior (mostly).

Still humming, I twirl through the laundry room entrance with a smile I can’t quite contain, feeling light as starlight. I swear, nothing is going to bring me down today.  

Then I stop dead.

Across the room, crouched casually while sorting through a pile of clothes, is Nico.

I freeze, half-considering backing out before he notices me, but then he glances over his shoulder and does a double take. Too late. 

"Hey!" He stands, eyes softening, smile wide and genuine.

"Hey, Nico," I manage, forcing my face into neutrality. I’ve been told I have an expressive face - right now I’m desperately trying to keep last night with Gabriel hidden behind it.

"How have you been?" he asks, voice warm.

"Good. You?"

"Good." He pauses, then gestures to a neatly folded pile. "I hope you don’t mind - I took your gym clothes out and folded them. Was gonna drop them by your room later."

"Thanks," I say, quickly grabbing and holding them to myself like a shield. "That was really nice of you."

Nico leans back against the machine, eyes following me. "I was actually going to ask if you wanted to grab a bite later. Since we missed breakfast the other morning… and we never really talked about the other night." His expression is so hopeful it hurts. 

My stomach twists. The memory of Gabriel’s forehead against mine, his soft laugh, the way he whispered 'dancing girl' flashes through my mind like a warm spark.

"Listen, Nico…" I glance at the floor, searching for the right words. "About the other night-"

"-Uh oh."

I look up. From the expression on his face, I can tell he’s bracing himself.

He lets out a small, nervous laugh and rubs the back of his neck. "That doesn’t sound good."

I shift the folded gym clothes in my arms. "It's not that it was bad. You're an amazing guy and you've been really sweet to me, and I'm grateful for that. But… I've been thinking a lot, and I don't think we should keep going the way we were. Romantically, I mean. I hope... we can still be friends?"

The words settle between us. Nico’s smile slowly fades. He nods once, quietly processing. 

"Friends... yeah."

For a few seconds he just looks at the floor, jaw tight. 

An awkward silence fills the room. He pushes off the machine and takes a small step back, giving me space.

"I get it," he continues, trying to sound casual even though the disappointment is clear in his eyes. "Doesn’t make it easier to hear, but… I appreciate you telling me straight."

I swallow hard. "I’m sorry, Nico. I didn’t want to hurt you."

He offers a small, rueful smile. "I know. You’re not the type." He pauses, then adds, "Take care of yourself, okay?"

With that, he turns and walks abruptly out of the laundry room. The door hisses shut behind him, leaving the space feeling suddenly colder and quieter than before.

I let out a long breath and lean back against the dryer, my clothes still clutched to my chest. The butterflies that had been pirouetting all morning are still there… but now they’re tangled up with a heavy knot of guilt.

So much for nothing bringing me down today.