I secretly wonder if Gabriel really is okay with what happened between me and Nico, deep down. I don't know if I'd be as cool under the same circumstances if the roles were reversed. I can't even handle it when he talks of his past lovers as it is and they're not even here. Not wanting any more disruptions, however, I say nothing.
He orders us a bit of everything from the menu and shortly after, Cthulhu brings us a selection of dishes to try, with different flavors of flatbread, tortilla chips with dip, curried meats, sweet potatoes, rices, and exotic vegetables that I'd never heard of coated in seasonings that were equally foreign, but no less delicious, to me.
If you had told me that someday an anthropomorphic squid would serve me food and I'd wolf it down with relish, sitting next to my angel boyfriend, I would've asked what you were smoking. Yet, here we are. It was just one of many extraordinary things that had become completely normal to me over the past few months.
Gabriel is in two minds about whether to order dessert but when I tell him I want to try more of the sorbet slush that he was eating last night when I came over, he relents. I order lemon and he, blueberry, and when I'm done with mine, I want to try his also which earns me my second, albeit less hostile, eye roll of the night.
He is, of course, amused by my ability to eat large quantities of food because- and I quote- "You're just a tiny girl". I remind him that, as a dancer, I have to eat a lot otherwise I'd be skin and bone instead of lean muscle.
We talk more about our childhoods and Gabriel asks me what the beaches were like where I lived and whether I spent much time there. I tell him that my childhood was mostly split between the city and my grandmother's countryside estate. Plus I was dancing a lot, so I didn't get to go as much I'd have liked, though I did ride her horses along the beach the few times I went which were some of the happiest childhood memories I have. I also tell him that most of the swimming I did as a child was done was in my grandmother's (not natural) pool.
This prompts me to tell him the memory of the last time I ever saw my mom, and Nina, the day she disappeared.
"You still think about that a lot, don't you?" He says, his gaze turning intense and observant.
"I do." I say quietly.
He leans in closer, his arm moves from the back of the booth to around me. I let my head rest on his shoulder. "I hope you know that what happened to your mom, and to Nina, wasn't your fault," he kisses the top of my head, "I know you've probably been told that before but I want you to hear it from me, too."
I nod. "Thank you."
"Your mom sounded like an extraordinary person," he continues, stroking my cheek with his fingertip, "I'm sorry I didn't get to meet her. That I can remember, I mean."
I smile at his words. "I'm sorry she didn't get to meet you, too. I bet she would've had a heart attack when I brought you home and she realized who you were."
"You think she still would've done what she did, if she knew how things would turn out?" He asks.
We both laugh. The question is rhetorical, because of course she would've, but it's still funny to think about nonetheless.
~*~
The Observation Deck had witnessed some of the most significant moments in Gabriel and I's relationship so far; the first time he ever saw me dance, the first time we confessed how we felt about each other, our first kiss. So it only seems right that, after we finish our desserts (or, more specifically, I finish mine and half of his), we ask behind the bar for a bottle of wine and a couple of glasses to take out, Gabriel retrieves a blanket from his room and we lay it down on the shiny floor under the glass dome ceiling so that we can play make-believe that we're stargazing in the middle of a meadow or on a beach somewhere, instead of drifting through deep space.
Gabriel lays back on the blanket with his hands behind his head occasionally pointing upwards as he tells me excitedly and at length about the constellations and clusters of stars that pass over us.
I know it sounds bad but sometimes I'm so in awe of how beautiful Gabriel is that I forget how incredibly smart he is also. Before I came here, I always thought I would be content getting by in life on my athleticism and dancing talent but he inspires me to want to work on my mind, too. I'd learned so much from him, and the others, already.
With that being said, however, I find myself looking more at him than at the things he's talking about.
He talks about all the places in the galaxy he wants to show me. "We could go to Phaedra first, of course, so that you can see for yourself where your mom came from," he says. "Then we'd go to Lyrica, so I can show you where I was born. We'd go sight-seeing all day, to the opera in the evening, eat expensive food and drink wine in the best restaurants and stay in hotel rooms so high you have to look down to see the clouds."
I lay beside him with my head on his chest, just listening to him speak. I can feel his heart beating against my cheek, the passion in his voice.
"We can vacation in Nibera. I'll teach you to surf and and then we'll sit on the beach and watch the three suns set every evening." He runs his fingers through my hair as he continues, "You could study and learn traditional Niberan dance with the locals, who would be more than happy to teach you?" It's abundantly clear that he's given this a lot of thought. "We'd have such an amazing time together, Mist."
When he notices me looking at him, he stops, looks worried for a moment before asking, "Sorry, am I talking too much?"
I shake my head. "Not at all," I tell him, stifling a smile. "You're just so cute when you get talking about something you're excited about." He looks a bit embarrassed so I try to distract him with a kiss.
A few sips of wine later, I actually manage to convince him to get up and dance with me. Okay, so we're just kind of holding each other close and swaying from side to side, but it's a start.
Gabriel's touch is noticeably softer, deliberate and more sensual than it had been earlier in the evening. The way he lightly strokes the exposed skin on the small of my back between the hem of my top and the waistband of my leggings, the way he rests his cheek on the top of my head, smells my hair and sighs.
"Listen, I'm sorry if it feels like we did things backwards," he whispers against my cheek, "like, maybe we should've done this first before we slept together?"
I lift my head to look into his face and read his expression.
"But, Mist, I've never felt anything like this before, I-"
"-Me neither," I interject. Is that what he thinks has been bothering me? "I wanted it just as much as you. And I could've said 'no'."
Old me would've never even considered sleeping with a guy on the first date, let alone before the first date. I'm not sure if you'd call it 'growth' exactly, but I guess everyone has that one person they would break all their own rules for. I was no exception.
He looks relieved, rests his forehead against mine. "I was afraid you were overwhelmed and didn't want to tell me?"
I cast my gaze downward. Truth is, I am overwhelmed but not for the reason he thinks.
"What about you? Do you feel overwhelmed?" I ask, looking back up.
"No." He says with no hesitation, the way he did last night, right before we made love.
Then, before I can say anything else, he whispers, "Stay with me, Mist."
"I am staying with you." I laugh, nervously. I'm beginning to feel a lot like I did when I was with Nico and he was asking to see me again and I had to act my ass off to try and deflect him from seeing how I was truly feeling.
Gabriel sees right through me, though. "I don't just mean tonight," he says lifting my chin with his finger so I have no choice but to look him in the eye. "You are going to stay for good, aren't you?"
So much for no more disruptions. Why, oh why did he have to ask me this now?
I can feel my eyes misting over with tears as I barely get my words out, "I- I want to Gabriel, I really do, it's just-"
"-'Just', what?" Up until then we were still gently swaying from side to side, but he stops and pulls back a little. I can see him looking at me, trying to make sense of my reaction to a question that, from his perspective, should have an obvious answer.
"Gabriel, please-"
"-'Just', what Misty?" He asks again, impatiently.
I bite my lip and look away, attempting to blink back the tears welling in my eyes and failing miserably.
"It's just that," I inhale sharply, swallow hard. I look back up and force myself to look him in the eye as I say: "I have to go to Purgatory."
Gabriel looks as though I've just reached into his chest, ripped out his heart with my bare hands then threw it on the floor and stomped on it on front of him. He takes another step back, so that we're not touching at all anymore.
"The fuck you do!" he all but snarls at me. "How long have you been thinking this?"
"Off and on, ever since Solaris proposed it."
Gabriel shakes his head and sighs angrily. "I'm gonna kill him for putting the idea in your head..." he says more to himself than to me. "I wish you would've told me you were still considering it before I slept with you."
"I didn't think it was worth mentioning unless I'd made up my mind and I hadn't then!" I know he's upset but I don't like the tone he's taking with me. "And besides, what difference would it have made?"
He glares at me. "It means I could've made an informed decision about whether I wanted to let myself fall for you, get attached to you, imagine what it would be like to spend the rest of my life with you before go you ahead and sacrifice yourself."
I glance down at the floor. I don't know what else to do or say to that.
"And what do you mean, you 'hadn't made up your mind then'?" He continues. "What, sleeping with me made you realize you had a death wish?"
"No! It made me realize just how much I love you and want to be with you!" I tell him, looking up and taking a step forward, placing my hands on his chest, attempting to reconnect with him. "Everything you were just talking about- the beach, the opera, the sunsets- I want that with you. All of it. And more!"
"That doesn't make any sense." He says.
I sigh. I'm trying to gather my thoughts so that I can articulate them in a way that he will understand. "Nina's there." I state as calmly as I can, "It's too late for my mom, but there's still a chance for Nina. You think I can be at peace, just happily living my life with you, doing all the things we talked about, knowing in the back of my mind that Nina was in trouble and I did nothing to help her? I've wasted enough time as it is."
"Wasted time? Is that all this has been for you?"
"That's not what I meant." My voice is trembling.
"Mist," Gabriel runs a hand through his hair in frustration, "I want to liberate Purgatory just as much as you, I do. I literally signed up for this. But it doesn't have to be you who goes."
"If not me, then who?" I throw my arms out. "You know as well as I do that most of the hybrids that exist are created in labs by the Draco and disposed of when they're no longer useful. And those that exist organically are few and far between and most of those are walking around without any clue as to who, or what, they are. I didn't even know myself until a couple of months ago! It could take forever before you find another suitable volunteer. If you find one at all."
"It's a suicide mission, and you know it!" He points angrily.
"Not necessarily..."
"Yes necessarily!" He reaches forward, grabbing me by the shoulders and looking pleadingly into my eyes. "Mist, I don't think you fully realize what those bastards are capable of."
I scowl. "How can you say that?" I'm very aware of what the Draco did to my mother and he knows that. I'm not proud of what I say next but I feel cornered, trapped. "Besides, you're not my handler, you can't stop me from going." I remind him, an echo from one of our previous disagreements.
He tries to remain stoic but I can see him flinch slightly at my words. "You're right, I'm not," he says, his voice low, "I'm the man who loves you. So forgive me if I'm not thrilled by the idea of you being tortured, or killed... or worse."
Or worse. This time it's my turn to flinch.
"I'm not like the other volunteers, Gabriel. I can use that to my advantage."
I can feel his grip on me loosen a little. "Being special is no guarantee of anything."
"I know that."
He avoids my gaze as he asks, "And your mind is made up? There's nothing I can do or say to change it?"
I think about that for a second. I know he told me not to blame myself for what happened to Nina, but it's easier said than done. It was the play date I had invited her to that she was on the way home from when she was abducted. Now, presented with the opportunity to put things right, however terrifying and seemingly hopeless, my conscience simply wouldn't let me be. "No, I guess there isn't."
He lets go of me so suddenly that I stumble backwards a little. "Well thanks for putting me in this position Misty," he turns away, "Thanks a lot."
Just a few short days ago I was still a virgin with no love life to speak of. Now, I had been with two guys and somehow managed to piss them both off.
"Wait, where are you going?" I ask as he starts to walk away.
He stops, but doesn't turn around. "I just need a minute to get my head around the fact that you really might not be coming back from this."
"Gabriel..?" I rush forward, try to pull him into my arms, but he shrugs me away.
He turns to face me then, his eyes brimming with hurt and disbelief. "The Draco took my mother, my father," he throws his arms out, slowly backing away from me, "and now they're taking you away from me, too." Those are his parting words before he stalks down the corridor until he's out of sight.
I numbly stand there watching him leave, under the glass ceiling, holding onto myself, too stunned to allow the fresh tears in the corner of my eyes to fall. I don't even attempt to follow him, sensing that it will just piss him off even more.
This... was precisely what Solaris was afraid would happen.
I guess now we could add our first fight as a couple to the list of significant moments in our relationship that The Observation Deck had witnessed.
~*~
Cthulhu gives me a curious look as I sheepishly return the half-empty wine bottle and glasses to The Blue Saloon, alone, and not at all in the high spirits I was in when we left earlier. He moves his head to one side then the other before saluting me with his claw.
I have Gabriel's blanket tucked under one arm so I salute back using the other. "Thanks for everything, Cthulhu. Have a good night." I force a smile.
He nods as I turn away.
I manage to hold it together until I make it back to my room but one glance at the jar of sunflowers on my nightstand and I feel like someone just punched me in the gut. I briefly debate whether I should sleep on it before I try speaking to Gabriel again but I already know how that's going to go.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I head back out the door.
I can feel my heart pounding against my chest as I approach his room. "Gabriel?" I say tapping against the door, my voice timid like a child. "It's me."
Silence.
Maybe he's home but not ready to talk yet. Maybe he's walking it off on another part of the ship. Or maybe he's gone to vent to Solaris or Morgana. Either way, faced with the prospect of an anxiety-ridden sleepless night, I find myself blinking back yet more tears. I just want to speak to him, figure out what we're going to do. If we're even 'we' anymore.
The door slides suddenly open then, startling me. Gabriel stands there, illuminated by neon blue, an almost empty beer bottle in hand. For the first time since I have known him, I'm unable to tell what he's thinking or feeling.
"I brought your blanket back." I say, holding it out to him.
He looks down at it for a moment before taking it from me. "Thanks."
Anxious, I fold my arms across myself. "Are you still mad at me?"
He sighs, shoulders slumping. "Yeah, I-"
Oh.
"Oh. Oh, okay," I hold myself even tighter. "Well, goodnight then." I start to back off, turning away before he sees the tears I've been holding back start to fall.
"Mist. Wait."
When I look around, he glances down, shakes his head. "I'm sorry, that didn't come out right." He sighs again. "Do you want to come inside?"
I nod.
He steps aside as I make my way in. The door closes behind us and Gabriel places the beer bottle down on the kitchen counter and tosses the blanket onto the bed. He looks at me expectantly but I just turn my gaze to the floor. It's funny how desperately I wanted to talk to him and now I that I was here, I had no idea what to say.
I must've looked nervous because he takes the initiative, reaching for my hand, leading me to the leather chair where he sits and pulls me onto his lap. I could cry with relief as he pulls me close, wrapping both arms around me in a tight embrace. I curl up, letting my head drop, burying my face in the crook of his neck.
"I'm so sorry for putting you through this." I finally whisper.
"Don't apologize," he whispers back, "If anything, I should be the one apologizing to you. Like I said, I signed up for this," he takes my hand before he continues, "I just... wasn't prepared for it to feel so personal, you know?"
I lift my head then, gaze into his face.
"Turns out avenging the death of parents you have no conscious memory of is very different to embarking on a rescue mission for someone you love in the here and now." He says with a sad, resigned smile.
"This is just something I have to do," I say softly, running my fingers through his hair. "Nina needs me."
He nods. "I wish it didn't have to be this way."
"Me too."
He looks me directly in the eyes, lightly stroking my cheek with his fingertips as he tells me, "I won't stop until I find you. I'm bringing you, and Nina home, no matter what. I promise."
I can't help but think then about what Morgana said about soul ties and how this all feels like some kind of karmic balancing act. My mother had saved Gabriel's life when he was too young to defend himself and now we'd been brought together so that he could protect me from suffering the same fate as she.
"I believe in you." I whisper. I would've never considered going if I didn't.
He smiles and pulls me in for a brief kiss. "Mist?" He says, our lips parting, "Would you... consider moving in here with me?"
My head cocks to the side in confusion. Is he really asking what I think he's asking?
"I know we've been together all of five minutes, but," he pauses to brush the stray hair from my face. "I want to spend every moment I can with you before you go."
After the stress of our fight his words are like a soothing balm to my heart. "Oh, Gabriel, of course I will!" My arms snake around his neck and I can feel him smiling against my lips as I pull myself in for a longer, deeper kiss. His arms encircle me once again as he kisses back.
Feeling bold, I reach down, lifting his t-shirt and sliding my hand underneath. My mouth leaves his as I trail warm, breathy kisses along his cheek, jawline and neck.
I feel him shift underneath me and I know he's getting aroused. I am, too.
I keep kissing his neck as I caress his chest and stomach with the palm of my hand, travelling lower and lower until I reach the waistband of his jeans, lightly tracing along it with my little finger.
Gabriel doesn't waste a second. I can hear the sound of a button popping followed by a zipper being pulled down. His breath hitches as my hand wanders lower still, through the coarse hair down there, stroking the full length of him with my fingertips. He's already hard, but he grows even harder as my hand encloses around him, stroking rhythmically.
I've never done this to a guy before so I'm listening and watching intently for his cues as to what he wants me to do, much like he did with me the night before. His breathing becomes gradually more ragged. I increase the pressure, the motion of my hand speeding up. His skin starts to feel warm and clammy and I wonder if I should stop, though the curious part of me doesn't want to.
He abruptly grabs my wrist and at first I think I've done something wrong, but then he gazes up at me with his beautiful brown eyes and gasps, "Do you want to take this over to- ?"
"-Yes." Oh yes.
We keep kissing as we stagger over to the bed and help each other undress. My hands are trembling. I'm more nervous now than I was last night. So much has happened in the short time between then and now. Despite everything, I still feel so terribly guilty for letting Gabriel get so close to me before dropping the emotional equivalent of a nuclear bomb on him. Morgana's words about love being worth the risk, especially when the stakes are high drown out my fears as I lay back on the bed.
As Gabriel kisses down my neck, over my breasts, my ribs, my stomach, I catch sight of the spiritual sex book on the nightstand in my peripheral vision but then I feel him inside me and my focus is quickly redirected.
I don't know if it was the lingering emotions from our fight, or the threat of being separated hanging over us, but we proceed to make love as if the world was ending tomorrow; intense, uninhibited, until the sweat was dripping from every pore. I don't hold back; I just let the soft moans free from my throat, culminating in one drawn out, ragged sigh as I finish.
Gabriel lets out a gasp that, without context, I wouldn't have known if he was in intense pleasure or intense pain. My heart is pounding as he comes crashing down on me. I can feel his labored, panting breath against my skin. I pull him close, clinging to him as though my life depended on it. God, if this is a dream, please don't wake me...
It isn't a dream of course, but when we draw apart, I feel sad, bereft almost, as if I were slowly, and reluctantly, waking up from one. I glance over at him. He looks exhausted enough to pass out. I stare up at the ceiling, my hair splayed out in disarray over the pillow. I reach up, nonchalantly twisting a loose tendril between my fingers. I can't think of anything to say; my body has already expressed everything I feel and now I'm spent, mentally as well as physically.
Gabriel is silent, too. So silent that, for a moment, I think he actually has passed out but then I feel the bed shift and his warm hand slinking underneath the covers, over the bare skin of my stomach. My gaze flutters in his direction. He's sitting up with his head in his other hand, a devilish grin adorning his angelic face, golden hair as tousled as mine.
I turn my focus back to the lock of hair between my fingertips.
"Gabriel?"
"Hmm?"
"That book on your nightstand... what's it about?"
"... 'about'?"
"Is it like the Kama Sutra?" I ask, my voice child-like despite the nature of my query.
There's a brief pause as he processes the question before he bursts into laughter which, judging by the volume and force behind it, the Kama Sutra isn't just infamous back home on Earth. It's known in the wider galaxy, too.
Confused by his reaction, I replay my words in my head but this time I hear it the way he must've heard it and I start laughing, too.
As our laughter fades, I reach up to gently stroke his cheek with the back of my finger. "You didn't answer the question."
He cringes. "Oh, come on, Mist..."
I quirk an eyebrow. Is he being evasive? Surely he's not embarrassed? He left the book there when he knew I was coming over and that I would see it. He must've known I would have questions.
I bring myself up to his level, turning on my side to face him. I reach out and stroke his arm attempting to encourage him to open up to me. "Well, if it's not like the Kama Sutra, then what is it?"
Realizing that resistance was futile and I'm not going to let it drop, he falls back against the pillow, staring up at the ceiling.
"I got it a couple of years ago, after a dream I had right before I broke it off with Sophia for good," he finally says, a lopsided, boyish smile forming on his lips, as if recalling a happy memory.
A dream? I tense up at the mention of his ex-girlfriend's name but I know I have to push past it if I'm going to get the answers I'm seeking. I close the inches between us, pulling myself in and now I'm the one gazing down upon him. "Must have been some dream?" I say, planting a kiss in the center of his chest.
I can feel his hand reach up, stroking the back of my head, gently running his fingers through my hair. "It was."
"Tell me about it?" I ask, softly.
He looks pensive for a moment, as if choosing his words carefully. Or perhaps weighing up the consequences of telling me versus not telling me and which would be worse. He takes a deep breath.
"We hadn't been getting along for a while," he says, exhaling slowly, "I don't even really know why I was still going back to see her at that point."
"Sometimes it's hard to break a habit." I offer.
"Right." He agrees, with a faint chuckle.
"Anyway, to cut a long story short," he continues, "we got into a big fight, probably the biggest one we ever had, and I ended up storming out of her place. I knew then it was over but Sophia could be very persuasive when she wanted to be and never was one to take 'no' at face value."
Despite my aversion to the topic of Gabriel's past relationships, the curious part of me, the part that desperately wants to know him, body, mind and soul is utterly transfixed by his words.
"It was late and I was tired and in a bad mood, so I headed to a hotel. All I wanted to do was sleep and gather my thoughts so that I could wake up with a clear head, break it off with her and get out of there as early as I could the next morning."
I tentatively let my head rest on his shoulder, my fingertip lightly tracing invisible patterns on his skin.
"So there I was, in this dark, unfamiliar room, almost asleep when I suddenly got this overwhelming feeling I'm not alone, that there was someone else there with me..."
He goes quiet then. He stops playing with my hair and his hand travels down to my shoulders while his other arm slides around my waist, placing his hand on the small of my back, pulling me in even tighter against him.
"Oh?" I admit I'm a little nervous about where this is going.
"I tried to ignore it at first, but then I feel the bed shifting as if someone was climbing on it, and then she put her hand on me-"
"-She?"
He feels me start to tense up so he quickly tucks his thumb and forefinger under my chin, forcing me to look up and at him.
"Yeah," he states, grabbing my hand and pressing our palms together, "I feel this woman's hand stroking my face and running her fingers through my hair. I was so tired, my first thought was that it was Sophia, trying to make-up with me and I was about to shrug her away but then, it dawns on me that she doesn't know where I am."
Our fingers interlace as he says the next part, "the way she touched me, Mist, she made it seem like I was so familiar to her, like it was second nature, yet I had no clue who she was, or who she could've been. I tried to open my eyes to look at her but it was dark, and she almost wasn't fully 'there' or something, like an apparition or a ghost." His other hand then travels back from my shoulder up into my hair again, "But then I knew for sure that it wasn't Sophia because when she leaned over and kissed me, her hair fell over me, tickling my face and chest, and it was really, really long... soft and silky..."
My heartbeat starts to quicken but for a different reason than I was expecting. My gaze darts to when his hands are placed on my body in relation to his words. Maybe I'm misinterpreting what he's saying, but... he's not implying what I think he's implying...
...is he?
"I could sense the love she felt for me, like it was just radiating off her. And before I knew it, I started kissing her back..."
For the next few moments I listen, captivated, as he describes how after they started kissing, things kept escalating and escalating until she climbed on top of him and...
"Even though she was an apparition, I could feel everything so distinctly... the texture of her hair, the shape and taste of her lips," he tells me as he lightly drags his thumb across my mouth, "the way her breasts fit perfectly in the palms of my hand," my breath hitches as he reaches down, cupping my breast, which does in fact, fit perfectly in the palm of his hand, "her toned thighs," his hand glides down over my hip, down over my thigh and behind my knee drawing my leg up and across him, "how utterly incredible it felt to be inside her..." He looks at me and I look at him, "It was the most powerful experience of my life... until you," he (wisely) adds, tapping the end of my nose with his fingertip.
"It all felt so real but when I woke up the next morning, I was alone, and there was no evidence that anyone else had been there. For the next few weeks, this girl was all I could think about. Sophia accused me of seeing someone else when I told her it was over and I didn't correct her because, in a way, she was right. It got so bad that any time I tried, or even thought about being with anyone else after that, it felt wrong. Like I was... being unfaithful? I refused to believe that I could feel that way if she was just a figment of my imagination. I was convinced that she was out there somewhere and that all I had to do was find her. So, I bought the book to try and see if I could learn ways to train my mind to bring her to me again."
"And did you..?" I ask.
He gives me that knowing smile again, the one he gave right before he told me he loved me for the first time, "What do you think?" He lightly drags his finger across my cheek.
I've heard enough. "Gabriel Zion Reska," I say as I pull his hand away from my face, prop myself up onto my elbow, "you promised me that you didn't have any more surprises for me!"
Gabriel sighs and rolls his eyes at me as if he knew this is how I would I react and that's why he was initially reluctant to tell me. He mirrors me, sitting up on his elbow too.
"Are you seriously trying to tell me that you had a sex dream about me two years before we even met?"
Unfazed, he just grins and asks, "Did you ever have a dream like that?" I can tell he wants so badly for me to confirm that I had the same dream from the opposite perspective.
I think about it for a moment. Out of all the fantasies and scenarios I've dreamt up in my head over the years, not one of them involved floating up out of my body and indulging in a night of passion with a disillusioned starship trooper from across the galaxy.
"No. Sorry."
Gabriel laughs and shakes his head. "It was just a dream, Mist. Don't worry about it."
I frown and cast my eyes downwards. A dream so vivid, so powerful that it practically forces you to re-order your life around it is hardly 'just a dream'. It occurs to me then that I've unintentionally uncovered the reason why he chose to remain celibate for the past two years.
"Hey," he says, tucking his thumb and forefinger under my chin again. I look back up at him, "you know I love you irrespective of any dream, right?"
To be clear, I'm not worried that Gabriel's interest in and attraction to me might've been sparked by a dream; I just feel like the whole time we've known each other, he's had this upper hand in our relationship. Like, knowing that I was the daughter of the woman who saved his life as a baby, so he had a heads-up on why he felt so connected to me. Unlike me, who has been struggling with the intensity of my emotions, even going so far as losing my virginity to a guy I didn't love because I wanted to make him jealous, make him feel as I did when I thought he was off screwing Sophia. And now, with this dream, he had two whole years to re-order his life before I came into it, whereas I was just plopped into everything, having to navigate my feelings for him on top of all of other things I've been dealing with these past few months. It just didn't seem fair.
Still, I know now isn't the time to get upset over things that don't really matter; we found each eventually and we're together now.
"I know you do," I say softly, placing my hand on his chest and leaning in so our foreheads are touching. I can feel his breath against my face as he lets out a relieved laugh.
He reaches up and round the back of my neck, slowly and softly pressing his lips to mine. I can feel myself melting under the warmth of his gaze, his touch, his taste. I find myself desperately wanting to make love with him again.
"You know," he whispers, pulling away and looking into my eyes, "the way I felt in that dream? That's exactly how I feel when I'm with you."
I smirk, "So, you don't feel like you're being unfaithful when you're with me?"
He laughs, "No, not at all, in fact," he cocks his head to the side and strokes my cheek with his fingertips, "I feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, with exactly who I'm supposed to be there with."
I nod in agreement. "Me too," I tell him, as we lean in and our lips meet once again.
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