I found myself in the company of my former landlord and a few others. This was a surprise since, although my landlord never did anything especially horrible to me, he often made me feel very uncomfortable and this, among other things, was a contributing factor that made me want to leave the property and I had no intention of ever seeing, let alone hanging out with him.
As it turned out that he had developed a crush on the tenant that moved in after me, and as a fellow female he appealed to me set him up with her.
I had reservations about doing so, not least because my former landlord was a gluttonous old man in his sixties with a weight problem and a plethora of obesity related health conditions.
Disturbingly, I learned that he had his eye on me, had I not moved out when I did. Apparently just the fact that I was female within a close proximity was more than enough to consider me.
I caught a glimpse of the woman who had moved in and she seemed really nice and sweet; like someone who would perhaps be too polite to say 'no' if asked out, or set up on, a date.
I felt really guilty even attempting to set her up with someone I personally found so repulsive but then another part of me thought: who am I to judge? What if they really hit it off? Am I just being shallow?
But still, my own personal experiences and judgements got in the way and I found myself warning, rather than appealing to her.
Tuesday, 7 February 2017
Wednesday, 18 January 2017
Dream Diary #116: Zombie Apocalypse Now
A zombie apocalypse was sweeping across the nation. The epidemic was spreading so fast and was so imminent that the powers that be weren't even attempting evacuation or rescue procedures; they were merely recommending that people prepare for their inevitable deaths in whatever way they saw fit.
Utterly terrified, I separated myself from my family, barricading myself inside the bathroom absolutely determined that I would survive or at least be in control of how I died. I thought that by entrapping in the bathroom it would bide me some time to think of an escape or survival plan.
However, everything started to go wrong; from the door coming off the hinges to people poking their heads through the window to chat to me about the current turn of events.
When the husband of the woman I was talking to came to whisk her away to safety I felt a pang of sadness that I didn't have anyone physically present in my life to care about me, the way he cared for her.
I somehow managed, in the midst of all the chaos, to take a bath; reasoning that if I was going to die, I wanted to feel clean and good about myself.
As the noise and mayhem began to gain momentum and get louder and closer, I tensed up as I prepared myself for the inevitable.
Then, everything went silent.
I looked up and everything was dark.
A mysterious, faceless figure began speaking to me. It explained that it was going to let me in on a secret; the zombie apocalypse had never actually been a zombie apocalypse at all!
Instead, it was a dark, supernatural force, not unlike the 'Slenderman' urban legend that was engulfing the nation and wiping out humanity.
My blood went cold as I found myself standing on an upper level floor watching as a dark, shadowy figure floated underneath me. I had been given a chance to survive but I knew I had to hide before the shadow found me.
Utterly terrified, I separated myself from my family, barricading myself inside the bathroom absolutely determined that I would survive or at least be in control of how I died. I thought that by entrapping in the bathroom it would bide me some time to think of an escape or survival plan.
However, everything started to go wrong; from the door coming off the hinges to people poking their heads through the window to chat to me about the current turn of events.
When the husband of the woman I was talking to came to whisk her away to safety I felt a pang of sadness that I didn't have anyone physically present in my life to care about me, the way he cared for her.
I somehow managed, in the midst of all the chaos, to take a bath; reasoning that if I was going to die, I wanted to feel clean and good about myself.
As the noise and mayhem began to gain momentum and get louder and closer, I tensed up as I prepared myself for the inevitable.
Then, everything went silent.
I looked up and everything was dark.
A mysterious, faceless figure began speaking to me. It explained that it was going to let me in on a secret; the zombie apocalypse had never actually been a zombie apocalypse at all!
Instead, it was a dark, supernatural force, not unlike the 'Slenderman' urban legend that was engulfing the nation and wiping out humanity.
My blood went cold as I found myself standing on an upper level floor watching as a dark, shadowy figure floated underneath me. I had been given a chance to survive but I knew I had to hide before the shadow found me.
Saturday, 24 December 2016
Dream Diary #115: Critical Thinking
I was in an art class, but not a class that a person would take in adulthood; it was like being in a school classroom, or more specifically, like being at primary or nursery school but I still had the mind of an adult.
I didn't enjoy school whilst I was there, but I was happy that I was in an art class because it was a subject I always tended to be good at and because I still had my adult mind, I knew that I could draw like my adult self, too.
My drawings aren't amazing on a technical level by any means, but I knew that my style would look impressive coming from a child of primary/nursery school age.
The exercise we were given was a test but I didn't feel the usual test anxiety I normally get when I know I'm being judged and assessed, because it was a subject I was passionate about.
I drew a black unicorn with wings flying through space with a neon rainbow in the background. Within the dream, I got so far and sensed I should stop while the drawing still looked good (something I do in real-life as well), but I got carried away and coloured the background in black too, which had the effect of lessening the impact of the unicorn in the foreground.
The end result wasn't terrible but I couldn't help but wish I'd coloured the background in a different colour.
However, when it came to showing our work, the teachers and other classmates were really impressed and crowded round my drawing, praising it.
Meanwhile, while I didn't think my drawing was awful, I was all too aware of my work's imperfections and couldn't stop myself from picking it apart.
I didn't enjoy school whilst I was there, but I was happy that I was in an art class because it was a subject I always tended to be good at and because I still had my adult mind, I knew that I could draw like my adult self, too.
My drawings aren't amazing on a technical level by any means, but I knew that my style would look impressive coming from a child of primary/nursery school age.
The exercise we were given was a test but I didn't feel the usual test anxiety I normally get when I know I'm being judged and assessed, because it was a subject I was passionate about.
I drew a black unicorn with wings flying through space with a neon rainbow in the background. Within the dream, I got so far and sensed I should stop while the drawing still looked good (something I do in real-life as well), but I got carried away and coloured the background in black too, which had the effect of lessening the impact of the unicorn in the foreground.
The end result wasn't terrible but I couldn't help but wish I'd coloured the background in a different colour.
However, when it came to showing our work, the teachers and other classmates were really impressed and crowded round my drawing, praising it.
Meanwhile, while I didn't think my drawing was awful, I was all too aware of my work's imperfections and couldn't stop myself from picking it apart.
Monday, 12 December 2016
Dream Diary #114: Ignorance is not Bliss
I got the unique opportunity to stay with my love's family for a little while. I was excited at first, but while his family were perfectly friendly and accepting of me, my love just went out of his way to ignore and avoid me.
He was working as DJ in a nightclub, which is very odd because being a DJ is an overly social and outgoing job that I know he would hate to have in real-life, but it meant that he could avoid me by working at night and sleeping throughout the day.
The little I did see of him, he would enter the room and make an effort to talk to everyone but me. One evening, I thought he was taking me to work with him but instead he led me to a woman he'd been dating's house and proceeded to come onto her in front of me, knowing full well that I was watching. The woman was clearly uncomfortable as he was going out of his way to not acknowledge my existence, even though it was obvious he knew me and that I was there with him.
I felt so incredibly sad because I couldn't understand what I'd done that warranted such prolonged punishment and cruelty. How was it easier for him to ignore me than to just listen to what I had to say?
I experienced a brief respite from the situation when we ended up in either an old church or some kind of museum where the interior resembled a church together; we still weren't exactly friends but the shared common interest of history and art provided a distraction from our issues. I even found the courage to wander off alone and not care whether or not he would talk to me because I wanted to enjoy my surroundings. Ironically, I could feel him watch me, like he didn't want me to leave him.
He was working as DJ in a nightclub, which is very odd because being a DJ is an overly social and outgoing job that I know he would hate to have in real-life, but it meant that he could avoid me by working at night and sleeping throughout the day.
The little I did see of him, he would enter the room and make an effort to talk to everyone but me. One evening, I thought he was taking me to work with him but instead he led me to a woman he'd been dating's house and proceeded to come onto her in front of me, knowing full well that I was watching. The woman was clearly uncomfortable as he was going out of his way to not acknowledge my existence, even though it was obvious he knew me and that I was there with him.
I felt so incredibly sad because I couldn't understand what I'd done that warranted such prolonged punishment and cruelty. How was it easier for him to ignore me than to just listen to what I had to say?
I experienced a brief respite from the situation when we ended up in either an old church or some kind of museum where the interior resembled a church together; we still weren't exactly friends but the shared common interest of history and art provided a distraction from our issues. I even found the courage to wander off alone and not care whether or not he would talk to me because I wanted to enjoy my surroundings. Ironically, I could feel him watch me, like he didn't want me to leave him.
Tuesday, 29 November 2016
Dream Diary #113: Game of Homes
For some reason, my mother, my sister and I had moved into a new house together, along with my sister's kids without my father and sister's husband.
Even though the house was located in a fairly urban setting, it seemed really isolated and cut off from the rest of the world. This feeling was exacerbated by the fact that the town seemed to be in a perpetual state of twilight and the house was in disrepair, almost derelict even.
However, one of the amazing things about the house was the garden which had an enormous pond-like swimming pool.
The pool, like the house, was shabby and overgrown with plant life. The water was crystal clear and you could see an overabundance of pond scum and algae clinging to the bottom. In spite of this, I was very excited at the prospect of having our very own pool in our backyard and wanted to jump right in, even though it hadn't been cleaned yet.
As it turned out, I didn't even need to go directly into the water to enjoy it as the various plants and flowers were sentient, interactive beings! I had so much fun sitting on the lily pads and letting them float me around the water. The plants even started to play games with me, creating little assault courses on top of the water.
It was like seeing the world through the eyes of a child again, where everything was a potential game or adventure.
Eventually, I was called to go inside, and just as my sister and I were about to enter the doorway to the house, my sister slipped and fell. At first, I thought she'd slipped on water but she said that it was amniotic fluid and that 'the doctor had warned her this might happen'. I was very puzzled because although my sister has had three children in real-life, they were all born via c-section and she has not given birth that recently, nor was there any indication that she had done so recently in the dream either.
Nevertheless, an ambulance was called, and for some reason the presence of the emergency services brought everyone in the neighbourhood out of their hiding places as dozens of people crowded round to see what was going on.
I, too, was concerned about my sister but I was also conscious about getting in the way of the paramedics doing their job so I hung back and observed from afar.
Even though the house was located in a fairly urban setting, it seemed really isolated and cut off from the rest of the world. This feeling was exacerbated by the fact that the town seemed to be in a perpetual state of twilight and the house was in disrepair, almost derelict even.
However, one of the amazing things about the house was the garden which had an enormous pond-like swimming pool.
The pool, like the house, was shabby and overgrown with plant life. The water was crystal clear and you could see an overabundance of pond scum and algae clinging to the bottom. In spite of this, I was very excited at the prospect of having our very own pool in our backyard and wanted to jump right in, even though it hadn't been cleaned yet.
As it turned out, I didn't even need to go directly into the water to enjoy it as the various plants and flowers were sentient, interactive beings! I had so much fun sitting on the lily pads and letting them float me around the water. The plants even started to play games with me, creating little assault courses on top of the water.
It was like seeing the world through the eyes of a child again, where everything was a potential game or adventure.
Eventually, I was called to go inside, and just as my sister and I were about to enter the doorway to the house, my sister slipped and fell. At first, I thought she'd slipped on water but she said that it was amniotic fluid and that 'the doctor had warned her this might happen'. I was very puzzled because although my sister has had three children in real-life, they were all born via c-section and she has not given birth that recently, nor was there any indication that she had done so recently in the dream either.
Nevertheless, an ambulance was called, and for some reason the presence of the emergency services brought everyone in the neighbourhood out of their hiding places as dozens of people crowded round to see what was going on.
I, too, was concerned about my sister but I was also conscious about getting in the way of the paramedics doing their job so I hung back and observed from afar.
Saturday, 29 October 2016
Dream Diary #112: Oh, Baby
I was in the middle of a vacation at a luxury resort when I discovered that I was pregnant. Instinctively, I knew that the father was my Love, even though we haven't seen each other in almost a year and a half. I hadn't had a relationship or even slept with anyone else in the meantime, so the news came as a massive shock.
It was as if we had conceived the baby on another plane of existence and I was devastated because ultimately I was the one who was going to be left to raise it as a single mother, while his physical self didn't acknowledge me at all. It just didn't seem fair!
Also, the news had come at such an inconvenient time as I had just moved house and started a new job after being unemployed for an extended period of time and as I was so unprepared I feared I would have to move back in with my family for support.
I seriously considered a termination but an ultrasound revealed that I was already 22 weeks along and a termination would probably mean going through labour just to give birth to a dead or dying baby, which I obviously didn't want to do.
The ultrasound also showed that the baby was a girl and something inside me told me that she was going to grow up and become an important and influential figure in humanity (hence why the powers that be had ensured her conception, despite mine and her father's lack of physical proximity) so I decided to go ahead with the pregnancy.
As I knew my Love wouldn't respond, I felt that I should call my Love's mother, out of courtesy, to tell her the news even though it would be such an awkward conversation to have.
My family was incredibly supportive even though they were as baffled by the situation as I was.
It was as if we had conceived the baby on another plane of existence and I was devastated because ultimately I was the one who was going to be left to raise it as a single mother, while his physical self didn't acknowledge me at all. It just didn't seem fair!
Also, the news had come at such an inconvenient time as I had just moved house and started a new job after being unemployed for an extended period of time and as I was so unprepared I feared I would have to move back in with my family for support.
I seriously considered a termination but an ultrasound revealed that I was already 22 weeks along and a termination would probably mean going through labour just to give birth to a dead or dying baby, which I obviously didn't want to do.
The ultrasound also showed that the baby was a girl and something inside me told me that she was going to grow up and become an important and influential figure in humanity (hence why the powers that be had ensured her conception, despite mine and her father's lack of physical proximity) so I decided to go ahead with the pregnancy.
As I knew my Love wouldn't respond, I felt that I should call my Love's mother, out of courtesy, to tell her the news even though it would be such an awkward conversation to have.
My family was incredibly supportive even though they were as baffled by the situation as I was.
Tuesday, 27 September 2016
Dream Diary #111: Talk to the Hand 'cause the Heart Ain't Listening
I somehow found myself unexpectedly dating a guy at work. On paper, he was ideal boyfriend material; attractive, had a good job and seemed like a nice person but it puzzled me how we had gotten together in the first place as I hadn't pursued him and it seemed as though we had virtually nothing of substance in common; he seemed really down to earth and I felt as though I would have to stifle my quirky tendencies around him.
Also, there were far prettier women than me that were attracted to him, who seemed as though they'd be more on his wavelength, but for whatever reason, he'd picked me.
My colleagues started treating me differently and with more respect, as the guy was in a position of some authority and since there was no 'real' reason for me not to like him, I found myself going along with the whole thing in spite of my doubts.
I experienced a brief moment of a jet-set lifestyle as I flew to a nondescript store in the USA to browse art supplies. My littlest toddler nephew was holding onto my hand as we left the store and as we did so, a sense of peace washed over me as if I had suddenly 'come home.' My memory was suddenly triggered and I remembered I had a True Love and that I was supposed to be here with him.
I realised my life at home was not authentic to who I truly was and found myself finding excuses not to leave. I muttered to my nephew that I should drive us to the beach but I knew I was just prolonging the inevitable. I had to face up to the situation some time.
To my dismay, I came home to find out that my boyfriend had booked us a weekend away and had bragged about all the sexual things he was going to do with me whilst there to everyone at work and suddenly all the prestige and fanfare that came with being the girlfriend of a popular, lusted after guy in the workplace that had seemed somewhat appealing at first, became repulsive to me. Besides, we still barely even knew each other and I couldn't even recall one unique quality about him that set him apart from any other attractive man I'd met. It became apparent that his attraction to me was highly superficial.
I couldn't go through the motions of a relationship just to please other people so I had to break up with him regardless of whether others would understand my reasons for doing so. I started to cry because I couldn't believe how disconnected I felt towards my surroundings.
Also, there were far prettier women than me that were attracted to him, who seemed as though they'd be more on his wavelength, but for whatever reason, he'd picked me.
My colleagues started treating me differently and with more respect, as the guy was in a position of some authority and since there was no 'real' reason for me not to like him, I found myself going along with the whole thing in spite of my doubts.
I experienced a brief moment of a jet-set lifestyle as I flew to a nondescript store in the USA to browse art supplies. My littlest toddler nephew was holding onto my hand as we left the store and as we did so, a sense of peace washed over me as if I had suddenly 'come home.' My memory was suddenly triggered and I remembered I had a True Love and that I was supposed to be here with him.
I realised my life at home was not authentic to who I truly was and found myself finding excuses not to leave. I muttered to my nephew that I should drive us to the beach but I knew I was just prolonging the inevitable. I had to face up to the situation some time.
To my dismay, I came home to find out that my boyfriend had booked us a weekend away and had bragged about all the sexual things he was going to do with me whilst there to everyone at work and suddenly all the prestige and fanfare that came with being the girlfriend of a popular, lusted after guy in the workplace that had seemed somewhat appealing at first, became repulsive to me. Besides, we still barely even knew each other and I couldn't even recall one unique quality about him that set him apart from any other attractive man I'd met. It became apparent that his attraction to me was highly superficial.
I couldn't go through the motions of a relationship just to please other people so I had to break up with him regardless of whether others would understand my reasons for doing so. I started to cry because I couldn't believe how disconnected I felt towards my surroundings.
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